You know those “tough conversations” we’re supposed to be having?
They’re actually pretty tough, aren’t they?
Deanna and I have been having a lot of conversations about racial justice lately- with our families, church, workplaces, etc. We’ve had a lot of really encouraging and positive moments, and we’ve also encountered resistance and moments that call for a lot of patience.
From what I’ve heard from many of you, that’s been a common experience.
I totally get how frustrating that can be. When you talk to somebody who doesn’t easily see from another perspective, the conversation can feel futile.
But when you hit that moment of questioning whether or not to keep showing up for these conversations, the answer is a wholehearted YES. (I am of course talking to allies and accomplices and not those who are in harm’s way by being in those discussions.)
When it feels most discouraging, remember this.
It truly is tough to change people’s minds, let alone their hearts. Statistics and facts are extremely ineffective at this- even when people think of themselves as data minded. (Take it from someone who’s job revolves around climate communications!) But you know what is more effective? Relationships! And that’s why it’s important for you, specifically you, to show up for the people who won’t read all these books we’re recommending on Instagram.
Maybe you don’t change someone’s mind. That’s unlikely. But you do introduce dissonance when someone they love holds a viewpoint they usually antagonize. You do change the norms around how conversations are held, and what will or won’t be accepted. You do change the scene for other people who may be listening or watching.
See, the protests you’ve been seeing are inevitably creating changes. According to a Pew survey, 6% of Americans have recently attended... that’s a BIG number. But you know what else? 69% of Americans have had conversations with friends and family about race in the past month.
When your conversations feel unproductive and exhausting, I feel you. Just remember, you’re not doing this by yourself. They’re happening at dinner tables all over the country. That’s gonna have an impact.