I’ve got to be honest about it: that was a pretty crappy start to the year.
Expectations were set low. I thought this year could be fun, but I knew that the hello-two-newborns thing would make for a more subdued, less restful January. So I went in with more measured anticipation.
New Year’s Day, Rhys gets daycare exposure to the ‘cron. He and I get sniffly and I figure we have it. But as it turns out, we keep testing negative so he must’ve brought home some other rhinovirus instead. Why be mainstream when there are more indie viruses out there?
Either way, it was still a miserable cold. Made worse by the fact that we got a week and a half with no daycare or grandparent help. Just trying to recover while juggling the three niños.
In spite of all that, I’m still really excited about the year ahead.
There’s this huge anti-goals, anti-resolution sentiment going around, and I totally get it. Resolutions have been sold to us as effort-based promises to better things by bettering ourselves. It’s so intertwined with hustle culture and I fully support everyone who decides they aren’t playing that game anymore.
But also, it’s clear that these are the sentiments of a traumatized world.
When people experience traumas, especially childhood traumas, one of the first things to go is one’s creativity and ability to dream. Kids are natural at dreaming up different worlds and futures. Unless trauma and instability get introduced.
Dreaming is healing and reclaiming.
I’ve always been a New Years guy. I love having a blank slate to project dreams on. I love wondering about the next chapter’s adventures. And I love what the word resolution really means. Not some behavioral change, but literal resolve. The determination to stick with your North Star.
This year I want to breathe easily out of both nostrils. I want to become a regular at my favorite coffee shop. I want to get one kid potty trained. I want to do deep dives into the works of bell hooks, Jesmyn Ward, and Hayao Miyazaki. I want to travel. Slowly. I want to spend a good chunk of time in Europe and Africa. I want the year to pass slowly and I want it to be the kind of year where passing slowly is a good thing.