Adventure is a priority for me. Exploring, being curious, and feeling truly alive. It’s also a value I hope to pass on to my kids.
So this past week I’ve been planning some of the adventures we’ll be going on. Our first time as a family of five. I thought I was just planning one trip, but it turned into a domino effect of needing to practically map out the whole year. Honestly having to write, edit, change, and rewrite plans so many times was a lot of work. But that’s the value I put on these adventures.
Planning these things for three little kids, that’s a whole different ballgame too. My adventurous half knows that comfort isn’t the point, but my paternal half wants everyone to have a safe and smooth experience. And good things happen when they mesh and come to the understanding that comfort and safety are two different things.
I’ve been appreciating the mentality of mountain climbers, lately. Not that I’ve done much myself, but I’d love to once the kids are old enough to let me train. In the meantime I’ve been watching docs like 14 Peaks for the inspiration.
You need to be just a little bit out of your mind to take on something like K2, because the challenge is often absurd. But you also need to be totally sober minded, because if you aren’t it might literally kill you. What a paradox.
But that’s the whole paradox that forms around parenthood and many other parts of life. Keeping each other safe while seeking growth and discomfort. Letting nurture and adventure work together.
February 2022
#32 Standing Desk
01 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Believe it or not some people have a hard time with Asian people being Asian and eating dumplings on New Years… so it’ll probably be a hard pill that we’ve also got a whole other New Year.
A resolution? Spending as little time as possible dealing with closed mindedness. Who’d pass up an excuse for more xiao long bao? New Years, a baby’s baek il, Shohei Ohtani’s birthday, all valid.
True story though, the journey to love my Asianness just keeps getting better. This month it’s looked like memoirs by Kat Chow and David Chang, Irvin’s salted egg chips, finally watching a Hayao Miyazaki movie, and loving the way my middle child seems to have inherited eyes that kiss at the corner. It’s Thich Naht Hanh’s influence on Western spiritual leaders like Thomas Merton and MLK, my friend @jieunandgreg reclaiming her name, and hearing Tagalog and Cambodian dialogue on The Cleaning Lady.
Let’s get on with this Tiger Year.
Let’s be real, January was an off month in a lot of ways. Sickness. Daycare closures. And not having much access to some of the things in life that help me feel alive. I know seasons of dormancy are natural and healthy but this one didn’t exactly have me feeling like me.
But… I just bought some plane tickets. And I’m planning another trip. And I’ve got some space cleared on my calendar to do some of that deeper creative work that goes beyond making stuff and to give new ideas a chance to breathe.
Take the restart if you need it. If not, enjoy a day of being very Asian and treat yourself to some xiao long bao.
#33 Machetazo
02 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Following a Twitter bot that simply posts restaurant photos from all over the globe indexed on Google Maps has brought me inexplicable levels of joy.
#34 Mostra Taps
03 February 2022 // San Diego, California
The creative process is so much more than sitting down to make stuff. It starts long before that. It’s not just when you’re in the studio or in front of the canvas or at the keyboard.
It’s also when you’re sipping wine and reading a book, watching a documentary, catching up with a friend, or playing with your kids. We think of these activities as downtime, but these are our life experiences, we take in what life has to offer and our response to that fuels creativity.
So many people make Netflix a punching bag as something that gets in the way of your creative work. You hear people say stuff like “if you have an hour to spend in front of Netflix every night then you have an hour you could spend writing,” and look, sure for some people that’s an important message. But also, I think we’re healthiest when there’s a balance between our creative output and our creative input.
I actually get a lot out of some of the stories I watch. Like, a lot. I love it when they make me think hard, and I love it when they make me feel something really deeply. But it can’t just be as simple as throwing something on and spacing out. I need to actually get myself immersed in the story and give it my full attention. Let myself get taken in by the cinematography, notice the sound work. I like to watch with the lights off so I’m really taken in by what’s on the screen. And I pick what I watch very carefully. I want to make sure it’s something that’s worth my time, the kind of thing I want more people to make. And watching a movie like Swan Song or a series like Station Eleven ends up being an experience that’s really good for my creativity and my sense of wonder.
#35 Good Morning Kai & Juniper
04 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Considering the impact of climate is a prerequisite for being a forward thinking business today.
#36 Big Rock Rhys
05 February 2022 // Poway, California
Our relationship with mystery- the things we don’t know- gives birth to some of the worst things we’re capable of, as well as the best versions of ourselves.
We’re hardwired to reduce uncertainty. It’s a strategy for survival. But it’s too easy to take it too far.
Dan Kahan once measured people’s belief in human activity causing climate change and found only a very weak correlation between agreement and competency in statistics, data, and scientific studies. Political affiliation was a much stronger correlation. If somebody identified as conservative, they were over 90% more likely to disagree. In other words, knowledge seems to only give you more motivation and tools to justify what you want to believe.
One of the most common symptoms of privilege or being in a dominant social group is that you’re way more likely to assume expertise in stuff outside of your experience without batting an eye.
When our relationship with uncertainty is unhealthy, it leads us to meet the new and unknown with prejudice, fear, and assumptions, rather than wonder and curiosity. There’s a knee-jerk rejection of the chance that the world could be anything than what we thought it was. It turns faith into dogma. It turns collective experiences into conspiracy theories. It turns pride in your identity into assuming the inferiority of everyone else’s.
Boarding schools. Phrenology in 18th century textbooks. Talking heads on news channels. Doctors dismissing the complaints of Black patients. ‘The economy’ as a justification for everything. Microaggressions where someone’s a little too confident about how much they know about your origin.
The opposite of this is creating a healthy relationship with the unknown.
There’s something irresistible about a faith that’s all about surrendering to a love that’s so much bigger than anything you can intellectualize. A person who radically accepts others without judgement. A relationship that leaves room for all the mysteries of another person, no matter how long you’ve known them. Somebody who sees the way the world changes with sincere curiosity rather than fear.
#37 My Three Babies
06 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Is it a peak millennial thing to have turned the Pacific Northwest from a geographic region into a whole personality, or do other ages do it too? I feel like really went in on the PNW in our 20s.
#38 Trader Joe’s Parking
07 February 2022 // San Diego, California
I don’t really like to give parenting advice, but two years into it, here’s the most important thing I’ve learned.
Nothing lasts all that long.
Right now, I have two newborns and a two year old. It’s a lot. And some moments are especially challenging. Sometimes we run into a stretch where the little ones take a step backwards with their sleep schedule. Or when the older one is having a lot of big feelings.
Here’s the thing. None of these stretches last very long.
I can think of times a year or so ago where looking after Rhys was just really, really tough.
But, it didn’t take long before things changed and what was challenging about that point went away.
This is a double edged sword, though, because, sure. The stuff that’s hard, that doesn’t last.
By that same token, neither does the cute stuff.
The quirky ways they mispronounce words.
Their obsessions with certain activities.
Who they are at a given moment.
It goes fast.
Don’t rush it.
#39 Loaf Rising
08 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Would be easier to have opinions on all this year’s Oscar nominees if I’d actually, y’know, seen more than two of these movies.
On the flip side, I did see all of the nominees for Best Animated Feature and what an incredibly good year for animation.
#40 Ebbetts Cap
09 February 2022 // San Diego, California
A creative rut can be really frustrating. It disrupts your workflow, it might throw you up against a deadline where you’re like, I dunno, I’ve got nothing. It may go so far as to make you really question who you are. Wondering about your identity and all that.
None of that is comfortable.
But you know what? That can be a really good thing.
You don’t exactly learn things when everything’s going easy. You learn when there’s some struggle. When you’re forced to think through your decisions and ask yourself, is this actually what I want to be doing? A creative rut can be a great teacher.
#41 Rhys’ First Halo Halo
10 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Adventure is a priority for me. Exploring, being curious, and feeling truly alive. It’s also a value I hope to pass on to my kids.
So this past week I’ve been planning some of the adventures we’ll be going on. Our first time as a family of five. I thought I was just planning one trip, but it turned into a domino effect of needing to practically map out the whole year. Honestly having to write, edit, change, and rewrite plans so many times was a lot of work. But that’s the value I put on these adventures.
Planning these things for three little kids, that’s a whole different ballgame too. My adventurous half knows that comfort isn’t the point, but my paternal half wants everyone to have a safe and smooth experience. And good things happen when they mesh and come to the understanding that comfort and safety are two different things.
I’ve been appreciating the mentality of mountain climbers, lately. Not that I’ve done much myself, but I’d love to once the kids are old enough to let me train. In the meantime I’ve been watching docs like 14 Peaks for the inspiration.
You need to be just a little bit out of your mind to take on something like K2, because the challenge is often absurd. But you also need to be totally sober minded, because if you aren’t it might literally kill you. What a paradox.
But that’s the whole paradox that forms around parenthood and many other parts of life. Keeping each other safe while seeking growth and discomfort. Letting nurture and adventure work together.
#42 Not So Recent Reads
11 February 2022 // San Diego, California
It’s been a minute since I’ve shared notes from what I’m reading. Some of these are from a little while back.
I’ve slowed my reading down a little but to really take in some of my recent reads. Books are some of those things that help me travel when I can’t travel. In hostels throughout Vietnam. In Bolivia with Peace Corps volunteers. West Africa through public transport or Southeast Asia with an eccentric businessman.
Read any of these?
📗Almost Sleeping My Way to Timbuktu
📕An Indian Among Las Indigenas
📒Transcendent Kingdoms
📔My Year Abroad
📘Never Go Full Pai
📙Gold Diggers
#43 Sunset Kia Ride
12 February 2022 // San Diego, California
I’ve stopped using the terms good weather and bad weather. It’s mid-February. I’m in San Diego, where it’s 85º F right now.
Everybody talks about the weather in San Diego, and how it’s got good weather all the time. And what they mean is that we don’t get as many extremes or as much variation as the rest of the country.
But is 85º in February a good thing? In the context of rapidly intensifying climate change. Is that a good thing? Does that make anyone else nervous about what it means for June?
What counts as good weather and bad weather is so subjective. I used to live in the Pacific Northwest. It rained a lot, lots of people would call it bad weather. But I loved it. It made me feel awake. It was a vibe.
I’m still down with the terms good weather and bad weather, but I wish we would qualify it more. Today the weather is good… for going in the ocean. It’s not so good for our ongoing drought, but it is good if you want to have some pink lemonade on the porch.
#44 Pink Lemonade
13 February 2022 // San Diego, California
I add to my record collection very sporadically… and infrequently these days. I can’t quite say it’s a collection of favorite albums, because then it would have some glaring omissions. If nothing else, it probably reveals my age as well as my birth certificate.
It’s such an incomplete collection, but it’s got personality.
#45 Valentines 2022
14 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Every day, I get to wake up and work towards:
✊🏾 A healthy climate
✊🏾 Building empathy through storytelling
✊🏾 Those three hours in between the kids’ bedtime and my own where I get to eat chips and watch YouTube videos under a blanket
#46 Rut Escape
15 February 2022 // San Diego, California
So much screen time the past few years!
During those earliest days of the pandemic, it seemed like catching up on shows and movies was all there was to do. These days, after getting three kids to bed, a bedtime story for myself on HBO Max is a nice little treat.
It’s funny because there used to be a negative correlation between the time I spent watching stuff and my quality of life.
We spent a long chunk of my childhood without a TV, but when high school came around that changed. I ate up the DVD sales at Blockbuster. There were a lot of moments around that time where life felt some combination of difficult or boring, and so there was something kind of aspirational about the stories I watched. Like, life could get exciting!
And it did. In college and in my early 20s, things took off. Friendships. Adventures. And I had so much going on, I couldn’t keep up with a show. The times I’d see movies were when friends hosted movie nights. I thought my infrequency of watching stuff meant that I had better things to do.
Stuff often comes full circle though.
While life is different, I’m still loving it. It definitely isn’t boring. At the same time, I’ve been watching a lot more stuff. And that hasn’t been a bad thing. I’m realizing that my love of stories enriches life.
Netflix is such an easy punching bag sometimes. How many times have you had someone use the phrase “if you can watch Netflix for two hours a day, you have the time to…”
For me, though, getting immersed in a story kickstarts my own creative energy. Watching something that hits those deeper feelings stirs up an extra sense of aliveness. Of course, you have to be a bit selective. And attentive. I tend to turn up the sound and turn down the lights just to boost the experience.
What has your relationship with screen time been like?
#47 Parking Tree Line
16 February 2022 // San Diego, California
One common thing with Black History Month is a failure to connect the dots from past to present, mistaking moments of progress for some kind of finish line and missing out on the fact that Black history is still being written every day, and our choices will reveal how we fit into that story.
I like the story of Hiram Revels. You don’t see his story profiled for Black History very often, although his legacy would merit that. And his legacy also confronts these two common mistakes.
Revels was the first Black senator in the United States, representing none other than Mississippi. In fact, he filled the senate seat vacated by Jefferson Davis. He was also a minister and absolutely brilliant and bold in making moves towards progress.
Despite taking office just three weeks after the 15th Amendment was ratified, prohibiting racial discrimination against voting, taking office was complicated. A bloc of senators were determined to keep Congress all white. Because Mississippi seceded before the Civil War, they prolonged its readmission into the union. Their efforts ultimately failed and in the meantime Revels used his power to appoint Black leaders across Mississippi and in the federal government.
The idea of Black Senator from Mississippi would seem pretty progressive by today’s standards, which is why it’s also important to remember that it happened before. In the 1870s, more than a dozen Congress members were Black.
What happened? An alliance between Southern Democrats and Republican president Rutherford Hayes withdrew the federal troops from the South who protected Black voters. By the 1900s, Jim Crow laws were enacted and enforced by groups like the KKK. Even after the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s, the duty of obstruction was handed off to mass incarceration and a divestment of Black communities.
When you think of Black History as a finished work, it makes it harder to see the contrast between federal troops protecting Black voters and senators refusing to prevent laws designed to create hostile voting environments in Black communities in Georgia, Tennessee, or Texas.
Celebrate Black History, and pay attention to the parts still being written.
#48 Open Creative
17 February 2022 // San Diego, California
I see the deaths of Michelle Go and Christina Yuna Lee, and I don’t exactly know how to respond.
How am I supposed to respond to murder?
I’m a big solutions guy. When faced with global scale problems, I naturally look at the solutions that are out there and explore how we can promote them. How we can scale them up.
But when it comes to the spike of threats to Asian lives, women and elders especially… there is no quick and easy solution.
I can’t think of a law one could pass or a verdict that could come down that makes this all go away.
I don’t mean that to say there’s nothing we can do. On the contrary, there’s so much to be done. A lot of work ahead.
But for now, I think it’s important to remember Michelle Alyssa Go, and Christina Yuna Lee, who were so much more than their tragic deaths.
They were friends. They were loved. Yuna was a creative soul, a music lover, with great artistic taste. Michelle was active. She was a coach. A volunteer.
They were here. Their lives were meaningful. Like Grace Lee Boggs said, the only way we survive is by taking care of each other.
#49 Banana Q Brew
18 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Fun field trip to the brewery behind my house. Got to try my hand at grinding oats for a Buko Pandan IPA and sampled a grilled banana stout.
I got to help a nearby brewery start a new brew of Buko Pandan IPA.
Pandan is a fragrant leaf used in a lot of Southeast Asian deserts. In the Philippine’s it’s frequently paired with Buko (young coconut).
This batch needs to sit for a little bit before it’s ready. But I got to try some other flavors in the meantime.
#50 Clasico Sin Fronteras
19 February 2022 // San Diego, California
“The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong in the world.”
–Dr. Paul Farmer
So much of his writing- especially on Haiti was foundational to me as a student and a newcomer in the world of International development. He knew the agency he had and used it to build others’.
#51 Platform Jumping
20 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Lately, I’ve been really loving other people. I know I risk sounding tacky when I say that, but maybe that ship already sailed.
These days, time spent around other people has been so deeply nourishing. Even in mundane interactions in passing, I’m finding myself experiencing a lot of joy from being around others. I’ve always been pretty extroverted, but this feels different than that. Deeper.
I think you can live a life of love without looking like most people’s idea of a “people person.” That said, though, I think it’s a little too easy these days to make not liking people into a whole personality.
I get it. A lot of stuff is happening in the world and a lot of it can make you feel disappointed in humanity as a whole, or anxious in social settings. But I think leaning into our connections with each other is one of the best uses of our time alive, and one of the most fulfilling. If we go too far down the wormhole of cynicism, I think we’re the ones who miss out on that joy.
Plus, I’ve always found that one of the best ways to restore your appreciation for people is to engage more deeply, rather than to detach.
Here are a few things that have helped me get more joy out of people:
👉 Remembering the statistical unlikelihood of each interaction that happens and reframing it as the miracle that it is.
👉 Staying deeply curious about other people.
👉 Having a sense of humor since every person contains a lot of contradictions and absurdity.
👉 Not having an agenda or trying to change the person right in front of you.
👉 When somebody is voicing something that’s hard to hear or that you deeply disagree with, consider it an act of generosity that you’ve given them an outlet for those feelings that possibly prevents them from coming out in more harmful ways.
👉 Still having boundaries around that. It can be generous to sit and listen to something you disagree with, but not every interaction is for everybody. If one does you more harm than good, it might be best for you and the other person to walk away sooner.
Anything else?
#52 Piecer Puzzle
21 February 2022 // San Diego, California
No way around the fact that today was rough for so many. Ukrainians. LGBT+ kids in TX/FL.
Really wish I had the power to keep y’all safe.
But trying to make sure I don’t miss the everyday opportunities I have to contribute to a safer world for us.
💛🇺🇦🏳️🌈🏳️
#53 Hendricks Beach
22 February 2022 // San Diego, California
War is not inevitable. War is not natural. War is not abstract.
It is real and it is awful.
In school, to pass tests, I needed to know about wars and who won them.
Later in life, after having visited a number of post-conflict communities from Colombia to the edge of Myanmar, I know the real answer is that everybody loses.
And most people around the world know that too, especially those who have lived through war. When I was born, Ukraine had more nuclear weapons than anyone except for two nations. In 1994 they chose to give them up, making one of the largest strides towards peace within my lifetime.
Today in St. Petersburg, thousands of Russians are packed in the street, shouting “No to War” and “Ukraine is not our enemy.”
The world was definitely not in need of another crisis or another threat to vulnerable lives.
Some days are extra heavy. So full of evil. As I read about the invasion of Ukraine followed by threats to LGBT+ kids in Texas and Florida makes me wish that there was so much more I could do. It angers me that the people with the most ability to impact lives so often use it destructively.
But it does fill me with a sense of determination. To not squander the opportunity I do have- no matter how small it feel at a global scale, it’s not zero. Every day I get to make decisions that affect other people near and far. While today was heavy enough to make my to-do list fee irrelevant, it also was an invitation to make sure everything on there would be on a worth-doing list.
#54 Kai, Juniper, & Mama
23 February 2022 // San Diego, California
I’ve stopped using the terms good weather and bad weather. It’s mid-February. I’m in San Diego, where it’s 85º F right now.
Everybody talks about the weather in San Diego, and how it’s got good weather all the time. And what they mean is that we don’t get as many extremes or as much variation as the rest of the country.
But is 85º in February a good thing? In the context of rapidly intensifying climate change. Is that a good thing? Does that make anyone else nervous about what it means for June?
What counts as good weather and bad weather is so subjective. I used to live in the Pacific Northwest. It rained a lot, lots of people would call it bad weather. But I loved it. It made me feel awake. It was a vibe.
I’m still down with the terms good weather and bad weather, but I wish we would qualify it more. Today the weather is good… for going in the ocean. It’s not so good for our ongoing drought, but it is good if you want to have some pink lemonade on the porch.
#55 Spying on Juniper
24 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Something that still blows my mind about our climate story is this. How vast the whole thing is.
Like, parts of this story take place in the halls of Congress, other parts in labs where new technologies are being made.
There are scenes in my kitchen as I meal plan for the week, and on rural villages in Tanzania with how people decide to farm their land.
Parts of this story play out in mental health, in community design, in spirituality.
It’s amazing.
Of course our ability to create change isn’t exactly equal. But at least it’s interconnected.
Just like how the Marvel Universe can go into outer space, or the floor of a kid’s bedroom, then bring those storylines together.
I guess that’s what I love about climate storytelling. You never really run out of storylines.
#56 Passport Photos
25 February 2022 // San Diego, California
People talk about creativity inconsistently. Sometimes we talk about it like it’s an innate thing that we’re just born with or gifted with. Maybe it’s something deep within each of us, but not all of us give ourselves the chance to unearth it. Then again, maybe it’s something more like a skill or a strength we need to cultivate. Like we can get more creative over time if we just do the work.
Honestly, I kind of think it’s both.
I tend to agree with those who say everyone is creative, or more accurately, that everyone can be creative, which would mean creativity is innate. And the reason I think that is because of the way kids play. Creativity appears to be our natural state that most of us grow dull to as we age.
But it takes work to keep our creativity alive. And I think it’s that work that keeps us from getting dull with age. And that vast majority of that work means showing up to do the work over and over.
#57 Jollibee Pies
26 February 2022 // San Diego, California
This is a friendly reminder to print out your photos. I just got a new batch printed, I try to do this every year with my favorites of the previous year.
People take pictures for so many reasons- to share online, to be creative. If you’re like me and you take pictures mostly to celebrate and remember your life, this doesn’t help.
Mindlessly taking a gazillion photos of the same moment, only to have all those duplicates become forgotten digital files on your camera roll. I get why that happens, but
The act of curating your photos, choosing just one, and then printing it out actually helps your brain lock in that memory. And you experience more gratitude for that moment.
#58 Kai & Juniper’s Baptism
27 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Kai and Juniper were baptized this week.
Things have been hectic lately. All the bits and pieces that make up life have felt, I dunno, demanding. And that’s to be expected with three kids I guess, but right now we’re in the throes of it.
So thankful for this moment that was so simple but profound. I love these kids, this life, and this ancient faith.
Also, these handbells slap!
#59 Rhys After School
28 February 2022 // San Diego, California
Lately, I’ve been really loving other people. I know I risk sounding tacky when I say that, but maybe that ship already sailed.
These days, time spent around other people has been so deeply nourishing. Even in mundane interactions in passing, I’m finding myself experiencing a lot of joy from being around others. I’ve always been pretty extroverted, but this feels different than that. Deeper.
I think you can live a life of love without looking like most people’s idea of a “people person.” That said, though, I think it’s a little too easy these days to make not liking people into a whole personality.
I get it. A lot of stuff is happening in the world and a lot of it can make you feel disappointed in humanity as a whole, or anxious in social settings. But I think leaning into our connections with each other is one of the best uses of our time alive, and one of the most fulfilling. If we go too far down the wormhole of cynicism, I think we’re the ones who miss out on that joy.
Plus, I’ve always found that one of the best ways to restore your appreciation for people is to engage more deeply, rather than to detach.
Here are a few things that have helped me get more joy out of people:
👉 Remembering the statistical unlikelihood of each interaction that happens and reframing it as the miracle that it is.
👉 Staying deeply curious about other people.
👉 Having a sense of humor since every person contains a lot of contradictions and absurdity.
👉 Not having an agenda or trying to change the person right in front of you.
👉 When somebody is voicing something that’s hard to hear or that you deeply disagree with, consider it an act of generosity that you’ve given them an outlet for those feelings that possibly prevents them from coming out in more harmful ways.
👉 Still having boundaries around that. It can be generous to sit and listen to something you disagree with, but not every interaction is for everybody. If one does you more harm than good, it might be best for you and the other person to walk away sooner.
Anything else?
Thich Naht Hanh
"I don't see why we have to
say "I will die," because
I can already see myself
in you, in other people,
and in future generations.
Random Restaurants
All this Twitter bot does is post restaurant photos and I love it so much.
Charity, Ego, & Boundaries
Doing what you love and helping people at the same time is great, but it still shouldn’t be your identity.
Onfim
I love learning about obscure stuff in passing that ends up feeling sentimental for reasons I can’t explain. Today’s entry? A schoolboy’s drawings from the back of his homework from medieval Russia.
So, decades ago, people discovered a bunch of ancient papers in the city of Novgorod, Russia. They included shopping lists, business records, prayers, spells, school exercises from 700-800 years ago. And a collection of drawings by a boy named Onfim.
Most of his drawings were on the back of his schoolwork. Like one that starts with the alphabet and ends with a picture of him on horseback, impaling an enemy with a spear. He copies scripture… then draws people with pitchfork hands.
I think I’m loving this discovery because it reminds me that kids’ imaginations are somewhat universal. And it makes me think that our scrap paper today, may be somebody’s interesting artifact tomorrow.
Indian Pueblo Kitchen
I had a fantastic Navajo Taco while in Albuquerque and therefore absolutely had to unpack the complicated history of frybread.
If you ever find yourself in ABQ, though, the Indian Pueblo Kitchen and Cultural Center is a must.
Ego Tanks Charity
Working in the nonprofit, help-people, protect-the-planet world, you discover a lot of cool organizations working parallel to yours. And you learn from each other and evolve in tandem, because, we’re all ultimately working towards the same big picture. Love. Justice. Sustainability.
About a month ago, some stuff came out about an org I really looked up to. Some not-good stuff, about a toxic workplace and harmful leadership. And part of what was so jarring was that the organization’s messaging was always so good, but what was going on behind the scenes was totally out of sync.
It was surprising, but at the same time, this keeps happening. I feel like a couple times each year I learn of a couple more respected organizations losing trust, and it’s the same thing over and over: toxic leadership/culture or abusive behavior from a founder. And this exists in a lot of other places than the nonprofit world. But why? Especially when the culpable parties are so good at saying the right thing, you’d think they’d know better?
I still find it puzzling, but I think the observation I keep coming back to is that ego tanks charity. Not just charity as in charity organization, but charity as in love.
Do a good thing long enough, and you might get noticed. You become the face of a movement. And if you’re not careful, it can be difficult to separate a threat to justice from a threat to your ego. That’s not good.
I don’t think having a public presence always needs to lead to this, but I don’t want to pretend I’m immune. I absolutely love what I get to do, and I think it matters. But the past couple years have to not let that be a stand in for my identity. Sometimes it’s harder to have that healthy boundary when you really do love what you do.
I’ve been working on those boundaries and funny enough I’ve been loving the work more as a result. I’ve tried to break the American habit of using my profession to introduce myself. I make sure I talk about a balance of things. I’ve tried making sure my pursuits of justice and sustainability aren’t limited to the working hours.
You matter. Your work matters. And they both matter too much to mistake one for the other.
HUMILITY.
Nuanced topic time. HUMILITY.
I’ve always found humility to be such a beautiful trait. It seems like I’m stating the obvious, but in reality, people are actually more comforted by projections of confidence and people who double down on what they’ve said and done. Those personas tend to attract the crowd.
I’ve never thought of humility as a strength of mine, though anybody who does think they’re good at it has to swallow a good deal of irony. I do know that I value humility enough to really enjoy the presence of truly humble leaders. The ones who prefer to lead by example, who can own an apology. I love working with them. Learning from them. In many ways trying to emulate them.
That’s taught me a couple big things.
💠There are a lot of things that masquerade as humility, a big one being self-deprecation. It can be easy to fake your way into being seen as humble by acting like your own worst critic, but that usually comes from the same wounded ego that births arrogance. It also comes from this weird zero-sum myth that in order to value others, we can’t also recognize our own value.
Sometimes, the people who’ve gotten used to the self-deprecating imitation of humility can be the hardest to work and live with. There’s a wounded ego and a fluency in manipulation.
💠 When Naomi Osaka wrote a reflection on her tennis career last year, she noted that she was often praised for being humble, when really people were seeing a lot of self doubt.
The rules are different for different people. Most of the people I thought of as my role models of humility were older white men. It’s easy for their silence to be seen as humility, while for women, POC, or other underestimated groups, silence may be mistaken as not having anything to contribute.
Sometimes being quiet and blending into the background can be more self serving than anything. Sometimes taking up space can open doors for others. The real question is: is this ultimately about you?
💮💮💮
I think I value humility more than I ever have, but I’ve come to appreciate that it takes way more forms than I initially realized.
Here’s a drawing of K DOT that seemed appropriate for the topic.
My Paternity Leave Watchlist
How many of these have you seen and CAN WE TALK ABOUT STATION ELEVEN?
2021's Books
One last best of 2021 post- the books I read.
Probably aiming to scale this a back this year… and not just cause of the kids. I’m always torn between wanting to read a bit slower to take it all in and feeling restless with how many good books are out there and the pace I would actually need to read to get through them all in my life.
But also, yeah, the kids.
Last year’s batch, though, that was a good mix!
Need a Reset Button on 2022?
Here’s to the New New Year.
No Celebration Without Legislation
Happy MLK Day… kind of.
In case you missed it, Martin Luther King’s family has asked for no celebrations of MLK Day until action has been taken to protect voting rights.
As of now, none has been taken.
Does it feel weird, and maybe even jarring to be told not to celebrate someone for whom our society has developed a deep respect and reverence?
Well, true disrespect and irreverence comes in the form of erasing some of the hard earned liberties he and others gave their lives fighting for. Especially voting rights. Over the past decade- and in particular the past few months- a number of laws have been passed, mostly at the state level, stripping voting access and strength away from communities of color.
Gerrymandering, closing polling sites in Black & Brown neighborhoods, dividing a district to fracture the power of a community, and outlawing practices that are hallmarks of voter efforts in communities of color are all voter suppression.
Win by making an impact. Not by curating your poll numbers.
Personally, I don’t have a whole lot of confidence on the immediate horizon. But I’m thankful for Bernice King lending some of her own:
“There is hope. We have yet to engage as fully as we can. And there are people remaining to be won over to the cause.
I know it looks bleak, but lift your heads, spread ways to help, and keep the faith.”
2021 Memorable Meals
A while back I decided I would keep tabs on my most memorable meals over the course of a year. What makes a meal memorable is widely subjective and inconsistent… and that’s the great part.
Sometimes a meal is memorable because the food is incredible, like the hamachi I had in Phoenix. Sometimes, it’s that, plus the restaurant brings the meal to life. I still think back to the Napoleon House in New Orleans as one of those places with the perfect vibe. But other times, an amazing meal can come out of somewhere unexpected- like a drive-thru burger stand in Forks, WA.
Sometimes I love the creativity and cleverness of the eating experience itself, then again, it’s sometimes not even about the food really. A night featuring a ridiculous conversation with some friends you can totally lose yourself with also qualifies.
For me, there’s nothing quite like the stuff I get served by local communities and families while traveling. It’s impossible to not receive that much generosity and hospitality without being changed in some way. A whole community had the feast they’ve been waiting two years to throw on the day I came to visit?? That doesn’t seem right. And deep down, it’s easy to think that the sacrifices you know about will lead you to exaggerate the quality of the food a little, except then you try it and it really is objectively one of the tastiest things you’ve tried. And you know that everything from the food itself to the moment that surrounds you as you eat it can’t really be recreated.
Dreaming Is...
I’ve got to be honest about it: that was a pretty crappy start to the year.
Expectations were set low. I thought this year could be fun, but I knew that the hello-two-newborns thing would make for a more subdued, less restful January. So I went in with more measured anticipation.
New Year’s Day, Rhys gets daycare exposure to the ‘cron. He and I get sniffly and I figure we have it. But as it turns out, we keep testing negative so he must’ve brought home some other rhinovirus instead. Why be mainstream when there are more indie viruses out there?
Either way, it was still a miserable cold. Made worse by the fact that we got a week and a half with no daycare or grandparent help. Just trying to recover while juggling the three niños.
In spite of all that, I’m still really excited about the year ahead.
There’s this huge anti-goals, anti-resolution sentiment going around, and I totally get it. Resolutions have been sold to us as effort-based promises to better things by bettering ourselves. It’s so intertwined with hustle culture and I fully support everyone who decides they aren’t playing that game anymore.
But also, it’s clear that these are the sentiments of a traumatized world.
When people experience traumas, especially childhood traumas, one of the first things to go is one’s creativity and ability to dream. Kids are natural at dreaming up different worlds and futures. Unless trauma and instability get introduced.
Dreaming is healing and reclaiming.
I’ve always been a New Years guy. I love having a blank slate to project dreams on. I love wondering about the next chapter’s adventures. And I love what the word resolution really means. Not some behavioral change, but literal resolve. The determination to stick with your North Star.
This year I want to breathe easily out of both nostrils. I want to become a regular at my favorite coffee shop. I want to get one kid potty trained. I want to do deep dives into the works of bell hooks, Jesmyn Ward, and Hayao Miyazaki. I want to travel. Slowly. I want to spend a good chunk of time in Europe and Africa. I want the year to pass slowly and I want it to be the kind of year where passing slowly is a good thing.
Family Matters
New year, new babies… time to update the family theme song. I always thought Family Matters went the hardest with their opener.
This was actually the result of not having a whole lot to film during a two week quarantine. Speaking of openers, on New Years Day we learned Rhys (and thus all of us) were ‘rona exposed last week. We still don’t have test results, and it’s tough to separate a symptom from newborn-induced sleep deprivation, but since Omarion gets around as easy as Beignet’s hair… I’m assuming it’s here. Mildly. Thanks for the shots.
The harder blow was losing daycare and grandparent support for two weeks. I’d already been feeling the challenge of the three-under-three thing, which is why daycare was too tempting to pass up, even when I had a strong feeling that last week might’ve been a good one to sit out.
We’re now halfway through the two weeks and I’m pleasantly surprised with how we’ve made it work. I’ve gotten good moments with each of the kids, and in some ways I’m more at ease with three super-littles at home than I was before.
In spite of this, I still feel really good about this year in a way that kinda breaks logic.
January 2022
#1 Rhys Runner
01 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Here’s one way to start the year… with a COVID exposure notice from Rhys’ preschool. And a sniffly nose.
So far nothing beyond mild symptoms and everyone who can get vaccinations has the max amount possible, so I’m not especially worried- which feels kind of funny given how cautious we’ve been for two years. But we have good reason to be more reassured.
So this New Year starts with a quarantine that takes us into mid January and 18 straight days of taking care of three babies at home.
It’s funny cause I still feel pretty good about this year. Some new adventures seem likely. And of course, being a family of five. And I’m hoping it’s the case where we look back like, wow, it ended on a way different note from where it started.
Cause this is our starting note.
#2 Clean Corner
02 January 2022 // San Diego, California
A handful of random thoughts that came to mind when curating my list of 2021 favorites.
▶️ Derek Delgaudio’s heart-filled, philosophical magic show about identity was so wonderful. It came out so early in the year that I almost forgot to include it among 2021 things. About time to give it another view.
▶️ Included Minari on the movies list even though I think it would technically be a (2020) on the papers. This thing of releasing movies that might be the best of the year at the very end where nobody has a chance to see them except pro reviewers is a bit elitist, so now, if people can’t find your movie easily until 2022, you’re a 2022 film in my book.
▶️ Throughline got really good again this year. Loved that podcast a lot when it launched in 2015, but circa 2017, it started focusing on high level political themes that were already dominating airwaves. Love the return to their roots. Black History specials on Marcus Garvey, Octavia Butler, and Banyard Rustin nailed it. Filipino nurses. Tenochitlan. The history of Afghanistan.
▶️ Pretend I didn’t forget Jelani Aryeh’s album on that list. After picking two of his songs I thought he was already there.
▶️ I only highlight shows once and Ted Lasso was already a favorite from last year, but if they keep making episodes like the Rick Astley funeral one, episodes just might have to become a category.
#3 Goodnight Moon
03 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Y’all don’t have to quote tweet problematic politicians, shock jocks, etc. to argue a better point.
The amount of people who believe an idea is proportionate to the amount of times it’s repeated.
#4 Sweet J Sweet
04 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Betty White’s getting much deserved love and I gotta note, it really is nice to watch somebody who knows how to simply enjoy being who they are.
Self awareness, good humor, but a sense to do what’s right. Put it together and it’s a pretty fantastic life.
#5 Tummy Time
05 January 2022 // San Diego, California
It’s not getting enough buzz, so lemme do my part to talk about how good Swan Song is.
If you are roughly my age and have similar tastes, Eternal Sunshine likely rocked your world for good in the early 00s.
This hits those same heart muscles.
An even better comp in terms of emotions and plot is Never Let Me Go, which also happens to be one of my favorite novels ever.
#6 Quarantine Week
06 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Tribalism is a ridiculously powerful force.
Working in marketing shows you that people make decisions based on identity.
The need to belong blows our other reasoning skills and motivation out of the water.
The past two years have been such a live demo.
It doesn’t happen with everybody.
It doesn’t happen easily.
But it happens.
Sometimes watering the seeds of a different story actually goes somewhere.
Folks with an extremely tribal view of the world have come to anticipate caricatures out of people from outside their group. Always happy to subvert those expectations.
#7 Jump Shot
07 January 2022 // San Diego, California
New year, new babies… time to update the family theme song. I always thought Family Matters went the hardest with their opener.
This was actually the result of not having a whole lot to film during a two week quarantine. Speaking of openers, on New Years Day we learned Rhys (and thus all of us) were ‘rona exposed last week. We still don’t have test results, and it’s tough to separate a symptom from newborn-induced sleep deprivation, but since Omarion gets around as easy as Beignet’s hair… I’m assuming it’s here. Mildly. Thanks for the shots.
The harder blow was losing daycare and grandparent support for two weeks. I’d already been feeling the challenge of the three-under-three thing, which is why daycare was too tempting to pass up, even when I had a strong feeling that last week might’ve been a good one to sit out.
We’re now halfway through the two weeks and I’m pleasantly surprised with how we’ve made it work. I’ve gotten good moments with each of the kids, and in some ways I’m more at ease with three super-littles at home than I was before.
In spite of this, I still feel really good about this year in a way that kinda breaks logic.
#8 Gumtree Grooves
08 January 2022 // San Diego, California
2022 goals all set up.
START
Practicing improv again
Taking Rhys out on special weekly outings
Becoming a regular at a local venue
STOP
Getting fast food too often (1x month; 2 if traveling)
Eating meat on Wednesday
Using Amazon too much (3x limit per month)
VISIT
Alaska
A surprise location with Daniel
Somewhere abroad with the family
LEARN
Writing skills from three Skillshare courses
How to prepare a will
Improving camera presence w/ impromptu recordings 4x a week
MAKE
50 digital drawings
A Filipinos-in-Space art show
A sustainability TikTok channel
READ
3 bell hooks books
3 Jesmyn Ward books
A fantasy series written from a non Western POV
WATCH
The World Cup
6 Studio Ghibli movies
Movies/Shows from 9 different countries
TRY
Climbing 3 Mountains
Getting a Filipino tattoo
Spearfishing
#9 Bubs’ Life Now
09 January 2022 // San Diego, California
I’ve been drawing up a storm lately and loving it. And here’s a new piece I’ve kicked up inspired by my love of baseball and taking things internationally…
Sadaharu Oh.
I remember being really impressed as a kid when I found out there was someone who hit more home runs than Hank Aaron. A lot more. That piqued my interest in Japanese baseball which would only be validated a few years later when Ichiro came to the big leagues.
Not only was Sadaharu legend, but he took a distinctly East Asian approach to the game. His mental game was all about zen. He applied aikido to his swing- the art of redirecting momentum to deal with the pitches thrown to him. He ended up forming a lifelong friendship with Hank Aaron after the two of them met the demand to face each other in a home run derby.
There’s more to baseball than the MLB. One of the most fun sporting events I’ve ever been to was a Korean (KBO) baseball game… with cheerleaders, fast paced play, and parodies of pop songs for every player.
I think a gold tier bucket listy thing for me would be seeing a live game in every country that has a robust baseball league- Mexico, Japan, Korea, and the Dominican, followed by Cuba, Venezuela, Taiwan, and maybe even Australia and the Netherlands.
#10 Tree Recycling
10 January 2022 // San Diego, California
One of my goals last year (and again this year) was to donate over 1,000 trees to be planted.
My tips?
Tree planting can double as community development
Make sure locals are leading efforts
Make sure the org prioritizes whole ecosystem health over sexy numbers
#11 The Banyonplex
11 January 2022 // San Diego, California
I’ve got to be honest about it: that was a pretty crappy start to the year.
Expectations were set low. I thought this year could be fun, but I knew that the hello-two-newborns thing would make for a more subdued, less restful January. So I went in with more measured anticipation.
New Year’s Day, Rhys gets daycare exposure to the ‘cron. He and I get sniffly and I figure we have it. But as it turns out, we keep testing negative so he must’ve brought home some other rhinovirus instead. Why be mainstream when there are more indie viruses out there?
Either way, it was still a miserable cold. Made worse by the fact that we got a week and a half with no daycare or grandparent help. Just trying to recover while juggling the three niños.
In spite of all that, I’m still really excited about the year ahead.
There’s this huge anti-goals, anti-resolution sentiment going around, and I totally get it. Resolutions have been sold to us as effort-based promises to better things by bettering ourselves. It’s so intertwined with hustle culture and I fully support everyone who decides they aren’t playing that game anymore.
But also, it’s clear that these are the sentiments of a traumatized world.
When people experience traumas, especially childhood traumas, one of the first things to go is one’s creativity and ability to dream. Kids are natural at dreaming up different worlds and futures. Unless trauma and instability get introduced.
Dreaming is healing and reclaiming.
I’ve always been a New Years guy. I love having a blank slate to project dreams on. I love wondering about the next chapter’s adventures. And I love what the word resolution really means. Not some behavioral change, but literal resolve. The determination to stick with your North Star.
This year I want to breathe easily out of both nostrils. I want to become a regular at my favorite coffee shop. I want to get one kid potty trained. I want to do deep dives into the works of bell hooks, Jesmyn Ward, and Hayao Miyazaki. I want to travel. Slowly. I want to spend a good chunk of time in Europe and Africa. I want the year to pass slowly and I want it to be the kind of year where passing slowly is a good thing.
#12 Navigating the Forest
12 January 2022 // Escondido, California
Anger doesn’t show strength. But it isn’t a weakness either.
I see anger differently. It’s an emotion that isn’t supposed to be impressive/unimpressive. It signals to us our sense of right has been violated.
Lashing out at others or throwing a tantrum is often a mistake, at least usually. But the emotion beneath is just a human experience
#13 Rhys at Hoyt
13 January 2022 // San Diego, California
A while back I decided I would keep tabs on my most memorable meals over the course of a year. What makes a meal memorable is widely subjective and inconsistent… and that’s the great part.
Sometimes a meal is memorable because the food is incredible, like the hamachi I had in Phoenix. Sometimes, it’s that, plus the restaurant brings the meal to life. I still think back to the Napoleon House in New Orleans as one of those places with the perfect vibe. But other times, an amazing meal can come out of somewhere unexpected- like a drive-thru burger stand in Forks, WA.
Sometimes I love the creativity and cleverness of the eating experience itself, then again, it’s sometimes not even about the food really. A night featuring a ridiculous conversation with some friends you can totally lose yourself with also qualifies.
For me, there’s nothing quite like the stuff I get served by local communities and families while traveling. It’s impossible to not receive that much generosity and hospitality without being changed in some way. A whole community had the feast they’ve been waiting two years to throw on the day I came to visit?? That doesn’t seem right. And deep down, it’s easy to think that the sacrifices you know about will lead you to exaggerate the quality of the food a little, except then you try it and it really is objectively one of the tastiest things you’ve tried. And you know that everything from the food itself to the moment that surrounds you as you eat it can’t really be recreated.
#14 Manzanita Counter
14 January 2022 // San Diego, California
I’ve been posting a lot of my favorite things I’ve been watching lately, and so it’s likely you’ve seen me name drop Maya and the Three. But I’ve been holding back on getting too into it.
Until now.
If you’re at all interested in the precolonial Americas, especially the legends and beliefs of Aztec and Mayan civilizations, you’ll love the playful way they’re deployed in this adventure.
If you’re an animation fan, I’ve got to highlight the bold, Mayan-codex-meets-comic-book visuals all throughout. Into The Spiderverse is a fair comparison.
If you want a representation win, I’ve got to note how pleased I was to see the Afro-Latino/Caribbean world incorporated… and through one of my favorite characters.
I’ve got to highlight the fact that I love the way this story explored the big theme of death and adventure- not as something stigmatized, but as something that gives the story it’s meaning. A more Mexican perspective I’ve grown to appreciate.
Here’s my deep dive into some of the Mesoamerican roots of Maya and the Three- I loved doing these videos for Raya, and now Maya. Hopefully we keep getting more stories richly immersed in real world cultures.
#15 Super Rainbow
15 January 2022 // San Diego, California
I just jumped on the My Three Lives thing happening on TikTok. My three lives? The best categories I can think of are my life as a traveler, as a climate storyteller, and as a dad of three.
TBH this felt like a brag reel to make but the My Three Lives trend is a good way to give a quick preview about what to expect from me online (plus some digital drawings and very Asian things)… and I’ve never been good at explaining that succinctly.
#16 Night Roads
16 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Anyone else have their year start off pretty crappily but believe deep down that it’s still gonna be a good year by the end? Here’s to that stubborn optimism.
#17 High Swing
17 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Happy MLK Day… kind of.
In case you missed it, Martin Luther King’s family has asked for no celebrations of MLK Day until action has been taken to protect voting rights.
As of now, none has been taken.
Does it feel weird, and maybe even jarring to be told not to celebrate someone for whom our society has developed a deep respect and reverence?
Well, true disrespect and irreverence comes in the form of erasing some of the hard earned liberties he and others gave their lives fighting for. Especially voting rights. Over the past decade- and in particular the past few months- a number of laws have been passed, mostly at the state level, stripping voting access and strength away from communities of color.
Gerrymandering, closing polling sites in Black & Brown neighborhoods, dividing a district to fracture the power of a community, and outlawing practices that are hallmarks of voter efforts in communities of color are all voter suppression.
Win by making an impact. Not by curating your poll numbers.
Personally, I don’t have a whole lot of confidence on the immediate horizon. But I’m thankful for Bernice King lending some of her own:
“There is hope. We have yet to engage as fully as we can. And there are people remaining to be won over to the cause.
I know it looks bleak, but lift your heads, spread ways to help, and keep the faith.”
#18 Best Books of 2021
18 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Loved the books I read last year. Especially all the good climate and nature books.
Probably aiming to scale this a back this year… and not just cause of the kids. I’m always torn between wanting to read a bit slower to take it all in and feeling restless with how many good books are out there and the pace I would actually need to read to get through them all in my life.
But also, yeah, the kids.
Last year’s batch, though, that was a good mix!
#19 Climate and Stories
19 January 2022 // San Diego, California
So, decades ago, people discovered a bunch of ancient papers in the city of Novgorod, Russia. They included shopping lists, business records, prayers, spells, school exercises from 700-800 years ago. And a collection of drawings by a boy named Onfim.
Most of his drawings were on the back of his schoolwork. Like one that starts with the alphabet and ends with a picture of him on horseback, impaling an enemy with a spear. One starts off with the alphabet but ends with a note that says, I am a wild beast. And a drawing of said wild beast. In one he copies scripture… then draws people with pitchfork hands.
I think I’m loving this discovery because it reminds me that kids’ imaginations are somewhat universal. And it makes me think that our scrap paper today, may be somebody’s interesting artifact tomorrow.
#20 Juniper Outside
20 January 2022 // San Diego, California
These days, Bluey is big in our house.
If you’re a bit more distant from the world of cartoon dogs, Bluey is a series of eight-minute episodes featuring a family of heeler dogs. The show is made in Australia, all written by one guy, apparently. Two seasons have made their way to the U.S. via Disney+, and we’re eagerly awaiting the third.
A few things about Bluey stand out. First, the way the show depicts the way the two sisters play together with make-believe is spot-on. Second, the parents are somehow both realistic and aspirational. Mom and dad are relatable and slip in side commentary clearly meant for viewing parents. At the same time, they are both great parents who own their errors and play with their kids constructively. My theory is that Bluey’s dad was created to give Australian dad’s a role model of sorts without realizing it, as they watch along with their kids.
While the show is generally pretty lighthearted, there is about one in every five episodes that has the potential to make you cry.
The most recent example was when Bluey and her younger sister Bingo pretend to be different animals living in the packaging of some furniture their parents are building. As they go from being fish to lizards to primates, Bingo also goes from being a baby to a toddler to a teenager to growing up and going to space.
To spoil the ending, an empty-nester Bluey wonders what happens next, when mom and dad invite her to sit where they’ve been watching the kids play. “This is Heaven,” says dad, which can be taken so many ways.
This is really good?
Your kids grow up and then you die and you watch them from above smiling?
This is what God’s P.O.V. is like watching humanity evolve and do its thing?
All of the above?
#21 Twin Cart
21 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Nuanced topic time. HUMILITY.
I’ve always found humility to be such a beautiful trait. It seems like I’m stating the obvious, but in reality, people are actually more comforted by projections of confidence and people who double down on what they’ve said and done. Those personas tend to attract the crowd.
I’ve never thought of humility as a strength of mine, though anybody who does think they’re good at it has to swallow a good deal of irony. I do know that I value humility enough to really enjoy the presence of truly humble leaders. The ones who prefer to lead by example, who can own an apology. I love working with them. Learning from them. In many ways trying to emulate them.
That’s taught me a couple big things.
💠There are a lot of things that masquerade as humility, a big one being self-deprecation. It can be easy to fake your way into being seen as humble by acting like your own worst critic, but that usually comes from the same wounded ego that births arrogance. It also comes from this weird zero-sum myth that in order to value others, we can’t also recognize our own value.
Sometimes, the people who’ve gotten used to the self-deprecating imitation of humility can be the hardest to work and live with. There’s a wounded ego and a fluency in manipulation.
💠 When Naomi Osaka wrote a reflection on her tennis career last year, she noted that she was often praised for being humble, when really people were seeing a lot of self doubt.
The rules are different for different people. Most of the people I thought of as my role models of humility were older white men. It’s easy for their silence to be seen as humility, while for women, POC, or other underestimated groups, silence may be mistaken as not having anything to contribute.
Sometimes being quiet and blending into the background can be more self serving than anything. Sometimes taking up space can open doors for others. The real question is: is this ultimately about you?
💮💮💮
I think I value humility more than I ever have, but I’ve come to appreciate that it takes way more forms than I initially realized.
#22 VIP Blend
22 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Station Eleven was so good in so many ways. Seems like ill timing for a pandemic story but it was actually perfect. Here’s what did it for me:
• Small acts of good still remaking the world even when it all seems out of control.
• Art and community help you begin again.
#23 Playing with Zara & Ollie
23 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Working in the nonprofit, help-people, protect-the-planet world, you discover a lot of cool organizations working parallel to yours. And you learn from each other and evolve in tandem, because, we’re all ultimately working towards the same big picture. Love. Justice. Sustainability.
About a month ago, some stuff came out about an org I really looked up to. Some not-good stuff, about a toxic workplace and harmful leadership. And part of what was so jarring was that the organization’s messaging was always so good, but what was going on behind the scenes was totally out of sync.
It was surprising, but at the same time, this keeps happening. I feel like a couple times each year I learn of a couple more respected organizations losing trust, and it’s the same thing over and over: toxic leadership/culture or abusive behavior from a founder. And this exists in a lot of other places than the nonprofit world. But why? Especially when the culpable parties are so good at saying the right thing, you’d think they’d know better?
I still find it puzzling, but I think the observation I keep coming back to is that ego tanks charity. Not just charity as in charity organization, but charity as in love.
Do a good thing long enough, and you might get noticed. You become the face of a movement. And if you’re not careful, it can be difficult to separate a threat to justice from a threat to your ego. That’s not good.
I don’t think having a public presence always needs to lead to this, but I don’t want to pretend I’m immune. I absolutely love what I get to do, and I think it matters. But the past couple years have to not let that be a stand in for my identity. Sometimes it’s harder to have that healthy boundary when you really do love what you do.
I’ve been working on those boundaries and funny enough I’ve been loving the work more as a result. I’ve tried to break the American habit of using my profession to introduce myself. I make sure I talk about a balance of things. I’ve tried making sure my pursuits of justice and sustainability aren’t limited to the working hours.
You matter. Your work matters. And they both matter too much to mistake one for the other.
#24 Kimchi Tofu Stew
24 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Honestly, baseball’s Hall of Fame system is kind of a joke. HR king, hit king, top five pitcher absent? Lincecum out that soon?
I think we should do a Michelin star thing instead:
4 stars - Aaron, Mays, Bonds
3 stars - Schmidt, Feller
2 stars - Jeter, Ozzie
1 stars - Lincecum, Raines
#25 Smiley Kai
25 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Over the past few months, I’ve gotten a lot of joy from seeing and being around people I know. I can remember virtually every interaction. I get a warmth from people’s presence.
There are a lot of reasonable explanations. The social isolation from a pandemic. The social isolation from having a pair of two-month-olds. But one I especially appreciate is one I barely understand.
There’s a lot of science behind the idea that people “rub off on you”
Really fascinating stuff happens when you know somebody. When you spend time with them. How their voice, their features, their mannerisms and habits imprint on your brain to the point where it’s almost like a copy of them is stored there. That’s why in someone’s absence you can conjure up things in their voice, you can know what that person would’ve said.
The idea that people can live on through our kindness, through our embodiment of their best traits… it’s more than just sentiment.
I know a lot of us are feeling somebody’s absence in our lives. I’ve been thinking of a friend I lost this week, but also of how much simple joy she found in being around others. Something I’ve felt a lot more myself in the past few months.
It reminds me of something Thich Naht Hahn said, in anticipation of his death.
“Tomorrow, I will continue to be. But you will have to be very attentive to see me. I will be a flower, or a leaf. I will be in these forms and I will say hello to you. If you are attentive enough, you will recognize me, and you may greet me. I will be very happy.”
#26 sTUFF ON MY dESK
26 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Remembering a great friend list a year ago today.
Simultaneously sad and thankful and feeling truly better for her traits that rubbed off.
“Sustained grief is particularly disturbing in a culture that offers a quick fix for any pain.”
–bell hooks
#27 dRAWING tABLET
27 January 2022 // San Diego, California
I love learning about obscure stuff in passing that ends up feeling sentimental for reasons I can’t explain. Today’s entry? A schoolboy’s drawings from the back of his homework from medieval Russia.
So, decades ago, people discovered a bunch of ancient papers in the city of Novgorod, Russia. They included shopping lists, business records, prayers, spells, school exercises from 700-800 years ago. And a collection of drawings by a boy named Onfim.
Most of his drawings were on the back of his schoolwork. Like one that starts with the alphabet and ends with a picture of him on horseback, impaling an enemy with a spear. He copies scripture… then draws people with pitchfork hands.
I think I’m loving this discovery because it reminds me that kids’ imaginations are somewhat universal. And it makes me think that our scrap paper today, may be somebody’s interesting artifact tomorrow.
#28 tAM vN
28 January 2022 // San Diego, California
A federal court just revoked some serious oil and gas leases.
It’s always weird when a win this big seems to come out of the blue but we’ll take it.
(Not really out of the blue, it’s thanks to a lot of hard work from those who pushed for it)
#29 dON lORENZO
29 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Bought some plane tickets yesterday for the first time in a while, and started planning another trip.
Both adventures are still a little ways out, but it felt so good to start getting them on the calendar again.
#30 VINH HUNG
30 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Two newborns and a two year old… this was the day I needed this tweet man.
When the tangled, boisterous, sounds of our children are gone temporarily, it’s often a relief. But I can already feel that when time removes them permanently, I will remember these days with fondness and will experience some corner of the fresh silence as a loss.
#31 bEDTIME procrastination
31 January 2022 // San Diego, California
Nonprofits are a whole world, and its wild to think I’ve spent the past ten years working in, with, and around nonprofits.
Its not at all a perfect sector. One perspective out there is that nonprofits exist because of various failures of society. And as we learn new things and the world changes rapidly, the nonprofit space can get very complicated very quickly.
These complexities can be frustrating when you just want to simply do something good, but I’ve learned that each one is a teacher and even a decade into this, I’ve got a lot to learn. At the end of the day, my experiences with nonprofits have helped remind me of all the good in the world, and have helped introduce me to some people I love and admire. But that isn’t always everyone’s experience.
I made this video for those who care about things and discover cool organizations and know they should do some homework before donating, but might not really know where to get started.
2021 Moments
This was one of the most complex years of my life to reflect on, because it was so full of paradoxes and contradictions.
I’m proud of my creative work. A bit disappointed in my modest travels.
From personal experiences to pop culture, grief seemed like a recurring motif.
But two of the people I love most in the world just showed up towards the end of it in the form of newborn twins.
Big losses. New life. Beautiful moments. Frustrating roadblocks.
All while sort of being trapped in some liminal space of not-quite-lockdown but not exactly an open road, either.
Maybe that’s what getting older and more mature looks like. The years are less black-and-white, good-or-bad and all a symphony of contrasts. Or, maybe, 2021 really was just a wild card.
Either way, I’m thankful for it- both the parts that arrived with absolute clarity and the parts that won’t make sense for years, if ever.
And I’m so thankful to have you as a part of it.
It's Not Christmas
Definitely didn’t send anybody cards this year. Made this for you all instead. Hope it’s been a great Christmas!
All The World
Happy jolbokaflod to all those who’ve adopted Iceland’s practice of exchanging books on Christmas Eve and spending the night reading. I’m hoping to do a good bit of that since it’s coming down to the wire for me to finish my 2021 reading stack.
One thing I like doing with books, movies, and different pieces of art I enjoy is looking for connective threads that seem to tie them all together, even though they seem to have little in common. One theme that always seems to do it for me is that I love stories that remind me how vast and full of possibility life really is, whether those are movies like Boyhood or Soul, books like Pachinko, shows like Parts Unknown, or improvisational jazz. Or that podcast episode I named Juniper after.
There are a few books in Rhys’ stash that seem to fit that theme too- though perhaps none more so than All The World, which visually follows a large, culturally blended family throughout a day of beaching, going to the farmer’s market, taking shelter from the rain in a cafe, and making a big meal together. The message that the world is big and small, me and you- encompassing everything and yet somehow strangely intimate just matches the way I see things.
According to the sticker on its cover, the book won some award for being this good, though I had never heard of it until we started building a little book collection for Rhys and now, Kai and Juniper.
Any other books- for littles or for grownups- that make you feel like the world is full of possibility?
