I went into this year anticipating another steady year at work, some big summer travels, and the long anticipated start of having all my kids out of daycare and in the same school. Such a big win for my wallet and my daily schedule.
Then came the past few months.
An abrupt change to my professional life.
Some friends and family members facing health crises.
Financial uncertainty to go along with it all.
It was like having all your chess moves planned out, then having a big shaggy dog with no body awareness bump into the board. Which pieces are still in place? What can I recreate from memory? Where am I just taking a shot in the dark?
Disrupted plans are one thing. But I realized that the plans had changed to such a degree that the future I anticipated was being rewritten in real time.
Heading into summer, it remains a challenging year. Having gone through all this has been a big reminder that the journey is never linear.
The road’s got switchbacks, y’all.
As a teenager, my mom and I had very few heart-to-heart discussions, that makes one really stand out. She brought up the fact that every person’s life is going to take them through some disruptions. Some moments where your plans get completely derailed. Life takes a drastic turn away from where you thought things were going to go.
My mom knew what she was talking about. She referenced her own big disruption–losing my dad when I was only five. That’s one of the biggest derailments someone can face.
I’m glad that she pointed this out to me. It really does seem like every person at some point runs into a handful of big disruptions. Deaths. Divorces. Business failures. Bankruptcies. Sudden disability. Illness. It takes many forms. Some people seem to face a disproportionate amount of these.
Whenever you’re in the immediate aftermath of a big disruption, things can feel really raw. You enter a sort of survival mode while you try and get as many pieces back together as you can manage.
It’s no fun. But I think there are a few things worth remembering as you try to regain your footing.
1. Nothing is ever wasted
When you’re facing a sudden loss of some sort, it’s easy to feel a sense of futility around the space that is now vacant in your life.
About a year ago, when USAID was being shut down, and millions of federally funded research projects were being shut down, I couldn’t imagine being in the position of all those practitioners seeing their life’s work disrupted. So much progress against hunger, diseases, and poverty suddenly being wiped out.
It makes you wonder what the point of it was if it could just be whisked away.
I’d like to say that maybe the research that was started at least created a foundation of knowledge that can be built upon later. Maybe the mechanisms to eradicate poverty were learned by communities that can keep applying them. Maybe.
But I can’t say that without knowing for sure.
What I can say is that I think an act of good- even if its impact is temporary- remains an act of good. Nothing can take that away. Don’t ask me how I know that, because I’ll mostly cite the Van Gogh episode of Dr. Who as my source. But I’m still convinced that’s how it works.
I truly believe nothing ever goes to waste.
Once I made it halfway through a degree in film then stopped. Instead I switched to international studies. Now I’ve built a career in international development where… I’ve made hundreds of videos. Your past journeys get replayed in your future adventures.
2. Security is a myth
When you run into a sudden loss or disruption, I think it’s also easy to start wondering if you could’ve done something different at some point in the past to change the course of how it all unfolded.
That’s the premise of The Butterfly Effect and I’ll tell you what.
That was a terrible movie.
The plot had potential, but there were some dog-related scenes I simply cannot forgive.
Instead, you’d be better off watching that commencement speech by Jim Carrey circa 2014 where he talks about how his dad actually wanted to be a comedian.
“And so he made a conservative choice, instead. He got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive.”
“I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you Love.”
What good does that serve you when you’re facing a disruption?
It probably won’t be much comfort in the moment, but it can remind you to not let the experience lead you to playing scared with the rest of your life. You now know firsthand that security is a myth. Go bold.
3. Refuse to quit
Sometimes, stubbornness can be a virtue. Not always. But sometimes.
When you’re at a point where it’s hard to see the road ahead, a steady persistence will do you wonders.
At times it probably won’t feel like persistence.
You’ll probably think to yourself, ‘what choice do I have?’
But showing up is a choice.
Sometimes, I like to process difficult disruptions by thinking of them like an episode in a TV series.
If your life was being dramatized, this is going to be that episode.
The one where something goes horribly wrong. You know something major is going to happen. Tension is turned up to eleven, and who knows how the characters are going to make it through this.
This is The Pitt. Season One. Episode Eleven. The “incident.”
For the characters in the story, things are at their absolute worse.
For the audience? That’s when I could not stop watching. I knew it was getting late, but I needed to get to that next episode!
That’s the sort of curiosity that can help you move forward. Knowing that there will be a next episode, and wanting to see it through.
Disruptions are a part of every person’s life. But keeping these things in perspective can help you navigate those switchbacks. Believe that nothing is wasted. Remember that security is a myth. And refuse to quit.
In case you’ve noticed an usually large amount of film and TV references in this piece, that’s because navigating a disruption can also include a few days of ice cream and comfort shows.
Just don’t put on The Butterfly Effect. Trust me.