Remembering is resistance.
I liked Colson Whitehead’s book The Underground Railroad. I saw it was being adapted for a series by Barry Jenkins, and was intrigued. I haven’t seen it yet, but it sparked a conversation around how to depict traumatic events throughout history.
To be honest, there’s a real tension between wanting to commemorate these events with a never-forget kind of energy, and the reality that the communities who’ve been hit by them directly don’t need to be retraumatized over and over.
Then two things happened in the past week that added further layers to that discussion.
The 100-year-anniversary of the Tulsa Massacre on Black Wall Street. The outright destruction of a thriving Black district because of white supremacy. It’s an event that only started receiving a spike of media attention in the past 2-3 years. Three survivors- Mother Randle, Viola Fletcher, and Hughes Van Ellis made recent appearances in a commemorative event, a reminder of the lives upended that never received justice.
Then there was the discovery of the remains of 215 children at a residential school in Kamloops British Columbia. Residential Schools were a practice by Catholic and Protestant churches in Canada, and the Canadian government where children were removed from their families and sent to ‘boarding schools’ intended to separate them from their cultural identity. Over 90% experienced some form of abuse and the schools had a 40-60% mortality rate. This was not long ago.
Honestly I don’t think there can be a totally “right” response to events so far removed from any notion of the way things should be. Concerns over the consumption of shared trauma are valid. But I have learned two things lately:
Nothing heals that isn’t grieved.
Rememberance can be resistance in a world that would rather have you forget and move on.
Loving This Guy
Kind of a big week for us...
Rhys started daycare this week!
It kind of marks the end of a year-plus of working from home while juggling baby chasing, getting an absurd amount of things done during nap times and early in the morning to make up for the rest of the day, and random midweek dad dates of scouting out the best playgrounds or walking spots.
The whole time we knew that wasn’t sustainable but if soldiers bond in trenches, so can new dads and one year olds. I knew while it was happening that the day would come that I look back at it nostalgically. Thursday afternoon playground visits. Bluey episodes to buy me time to send emails. Just watching him grow up!
I’m proud of us, for doing what it takes to pull off this past year and putting our family first. And I love this guy so, so much. Not even in the way that I’m “supposed to” being his dad and all. I just straight up think Rhys is great. I love all this personality that’s emerging, the strength of will, and the adaptable spirit.
You’re gonna light up that 6 months to two years caterpillar room!
Taking Space
Closing out #AAPIHeritageMonth in 2021 is like...
I’ve written, read, and reflected more on being Asian American I’m over the past few months than at any other point in my life. Partly because of all the global events, but also because of where I’m at in my own personal life.
It wasn’t always like this for me. In high school I didn’t want to be one of the Asians who seemed to only hang out with the other Asians. Even though my college must’ve had like 6-7 different variations of AAPI or Filipino American clubs, I wasn’t interested.
See, I’d always had the tendency to see my life as a story, and in most of the stories I was exposed to, the Asian characters were usually side roles. Comedic relief in a rom com. The tech specialist in a sci-fi novel. The wise sage in the fantasy. On screen and such, being Asian was already unique enough that writers often didn’t bother to add in more depth. And it wasn’t just in movies where this happened. From my observation, we were often specialists. Valued for a specific skill like medicine or programming. But rarely invited into decision-making, leadership roles.
I didn’t want to be a side character in my own life, so I downplayed.
It took years of disconnecting my idea of ‘normal’ from whiteness, learning that everybody has a culture that colors the way they see the world, and understanding how these assumptions were engineered to start disassembling them to get to a point where I now love talking about being Asian.
I grew up in a system that made me want to downplay my AAPI heritage for years, and now I get to spend the rest of my life taking that apart. I realize that every time I get to lend my voice, perspectives, or leadership to something, it might just be the visual a younger person needs to know they can set their eyes on something beyond a supporting role.
It’s what we mean by take up space.
PNW Roadtrip, pt. 1
This whole crew loves the PNW! 🌲🌲🌲 Something about this part of the world makes me feel extra alive. It’s been far too long since I’ve been here, but I’m glad this time lets us introduce Rhys and reintroduce Beignet for the first time since we moved out.
We’re still only halfway through the adventure with plenty more on our lists to check off.
✔️ Taking family photos that look normal at first glance
✔️ Letting Rhys meet some babyfriends
✔️ Catch up with some vaccinated friends we’ve missed!
✔️ Hang out with some mosses
✔️ Good coffee every day
✔️ See if Beignet remembers some of her old stomping grounds
✔️ Spending the weekend on the Olympic Peninsula on a friend’s RV
✔️ Visiting the massive REI in Seattle
✔️ Nature walks left and right
🔜 Rhys’ first ferry ride
🔜 Going camera happy and making videos
🔜 Supporting my favorite Portland doughnut shops
Read Fil-Am Writers
I had never read a book by a Filipino or Filipino American author until I was 28, and I read 30-50 books each year. Elaine Castillo’s America Is Not The Heart changed that.
The year after I read Jose Antonio Vargas’ Dear America, and last year I read Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror. To this day the number of Filipino authored books sits at 3.
Representation matters to me more and more but I rarely see our books on shelves. That’s why I was pretty amped to see this whole section of Fil-Am writers in The Hangout in Long Beach.
From children’s books to cookbooks to memoirs and graphic novels and poetry, the selection was amazing. I definitely left with a good sized bundle for me and Rhys.
Mothers
Nothing brings me joy quite like watching you watch our guy discover the world.
Usually surprise and wonder go hand in hand, but there are some things that are totally wonderful and not at all surprising. Like how incredible of a mother Deanna is to our Rhys. I could’ve told you she’d be a great mom for as long as I’ve known her, but seeing it all unfold live is spectacular.
I love how intentional you are with Rhys. How beautiful you make his world in the present and future, and by extension, how beautiful that makes the world we all live in.
Happy Mothers Day to the mothers and motherly, and love to those for whom today isn’t so easy.
Pastor Mike
In my early twenties, I got a chance to spend part of a year helping out at an orphanage* in Johannesburg.
*technically not the most accurate word, but this isn’t the time for that.
When I arrived, I didn’t have a set role. I was told I would figure that out with Pastor Mike, the care center’s founder. At the time, though, he was recovering from a foot operation following diabetes complications, so it took a while for us to meet in person. All the while I heard bits and pieces of his story. How he and his wife sold most of their stuff to move into what was perhaps Africa’s most dangerous neighborhood. How they were robbed of most of their things very shortly afterwards. How he founded the center to care for children whose family lives were disrupted, particularly during the terrible AIDS epidemic.
When we finally met, he was the kind of person all those stories would suggest. He gave me a list of teenage boys he wanted me to mentor and he and I would meet weekly. We talked about a lot of things. He grew up in the apartheid South Africa in the 1950s, lived long enough to support kids from the Born Free Generation, and traveled throughout much of Southern Africa. He saw worlds of change.
I learned so much from Pastor Mike, from the persistence of racial division- “apartheid ended a long time ago,” he told me, “but South Africa is still very much four countries.” to the urgency in caring for its kids- “there are many things in life that can wait,” he would always say, “but the needs of a child is not one of them.”
True to his word, when he retired, he moved into the orphanage. It was his idea of a retirement home. He wanted to spend more time with the kids.
A couple days ago, I learned about Pastor Mike’s passing at the age of 74.
I am thankful I got the chance to visit again a few years ago with Deanna and I am so thankful the South African kids I’ve gotten to know grew up with him in their corner. In all the work I do, I’ll always be influenced by his blend of urgency and tenderness, and the way he left nothing in life undone when it could be done to help others.
Thirtyone
And the story goes on!
It’s my birthday today.
As a kid, I loved getting older. Each year up meant new privileges, a bit more freedom, and being taken more seriously.
Then suddenly... it started feeling like it was happening too fast. It kept speeding up! Years were escaping! Loved ones were getting old! Childhood was over! Then college! My twenties!
A weird epiphany eventually made me less worried about the movement of time. A lot of things can only be enjoyed in motion.
Like a roller coaster. Or music. We get these melodies stuck in our heads, the connection between one note to the next to the next. It we were to just pause for stillness in between notes... the song would pretty much just stop.
The past few years have been so full of plot twists and they just don’t stop. If anything, they keep getting wilder! I’ve never liked the “man plans, God laughs,” adage because it sounds so maniacal, but I’ll be the first to acknowledge that you really never know what’s around the corner.
So many of the best parts of my life right now at one point seemed improbable. Maybe even impossible. But here we are.
And it’s only been 31 years!
The Life You Choose
I’ve been having to make a bunch of big life decisions lately, with Rhys getting bigger and things reopening and a post-pandemic world starting to come into focus.
So much of it is exciting, but it can also be a lot.
One of the most helpful exercises I’ve found is asking myself what I want my life to actually look like 6 months, maybe a year, down the road. Ever do something like that to make a big decision?
Here’s the weird catch...
If you find yourself saying stuff like “I want to read 50 books in a year!” “I want to write my own book!” “I want to finish three marathons a year and to use them to raise $3000 dollars to my favorite cause!” then you’ve fallen for the same trick I often fall for.
See, you didn’t exactly describe what you want your life to look like... you listed the things you want to get done. Meaning? You’re less likely to be satisfied until they’re checked off.
It’s easy to fall for this. An industrial, profit-driven world means we overvalue productivity and miss the joy of the process.
I eventually rewrote my description of what I wanted from life to list things like “starting Sundays a bit slower and bumping the music loud while getting ready for church,” or “waking up extra early on Thursdays to head to a coffee shop for a deeply focused creative writing session,” and “Friday pizza nights!”
At least for me it makes it all the more easier to start a Sunday or Thursday morning, or a Friday evening, really stoked about what makes that activity special. It’s not that I have to go to that freaking coffee shop and write something, it’s that I get to because it’s part of a life I chose.
May 2021
#121 Crying in H Mart
01 May 2021 // San Diego, California
You know what’s a good feeling? Reading a book and recognizing, within the first few pages, that this would be a really special, unusually enjoyable read and bracing yourself for a story you won’t be able to put down.
Right now, I’m there. Reading Michelle Zauner’s Crying in H Mart.
I’ve never heard anyone articulate the strange but sincere love I have for Asian supermarkets quite as accurately as she nails it.
Plus it’s largely set in Eugene, and every chapter is full of references to old streets I biked on every day. When I read the family at Sunrise Asian Market being described in full, my heart lit up.
I haven’t been this inseparable from a book in ages.
#122 Church Outdoors
02 May 2021 // San Diego, California
So often, art gets portrayed as an exercise in expressing yourself. That’s possibly one of the most frequently heard phrases associated with creativity… express yourself!
Sure, creativity is inevitably an act of self expression, but the idea of this being the purpose of creativity somehow manages to be both incredibly vague and limiting at the same time.
Some of my favorite artists don’t create just as an act of catharsis in expressing themselves… more often it’s a manner of caring for their communities. I started making truer and better things-and things that caught on with more people once I moved my focus in this direction.
Think of anyone who’s felt seen by a film like Minari, or found the words they’ve needed in Morgan Harper Nichols’ poems. While these stem from deeply personal experiences, they ultimately care for a greater community. That’s where the sweet stuff happens.
#123 Back in the Doona
03 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I’ve been having to make a bunch of big life decisions lately, with Rhys getting bigger and things reopening and a post-pandemic world starting to come into focus.
So much of it is exciting, but it can also be a lot.
One of the most helpful exercises I’ve found is asking myself what I want my life to actually look like 6 months, maybe a year, down the road. Ever do something like that to make a big decision?
Here’s the weird catch...
If you find yourself saying stuff like “I want to read 50 books in a year!” “I want to write my own book!” “I want to finish three marathons a year and to use them to raise $3000 dollars to my favorite cause!” then you’ve fallen for the same trick I often fall for.
See, you didn’t exactly describe what you want your life to look like... you listed the things you want to get done. Meaning? You’re less likely to be satisfied until they’re checked off.
It’s easy to fall for this. An industrial, profit-driven world means we overvalue productivity and miss the joy of the process.
I eventually rewrote my description of what I wanted from life to list things like “starting Sundays a bit slower and bumping the music loud while getting ready for church,” or “waking up extra early on Thursdays to head to a coffee shop for a deeply focused creative writing session,” and “Friday pizza nights!”
At least for me it makes it all the more easier to start a Sunday or Thursday morning, or a Friday evening, really stoked about what makes that activity special. It’s not that I have to go to that freaking coffee shop and write something, it’s that I get to because it’s part of a life I chose.
#124 Painted Rock Discovery
04 May 2021 // San Diego, California
In non-western countries, I’ve admired the community care where different generations provide care for one another.
When children are very young, a grandparent will help in with the childcare allowing a parent more capacity to earn an income.
Later the grandparent becomes the one in need of care, which their children step up to provide. This is often when the youngest generation is in school or about to start their career.
Often this cycle continues as elders pass, parents age, and new children are born.
Here’s what I find beautiful about this particular approach to childcare and elder care.
But just because it’s beautiful doesn’t mean it works for everybody.
The system relies on mutuality, and mutuality means everybody has a role. But when there are many cases where people can’t play their roles.
Single family households. Poverty that demands both parents work, sometimes multiple jobs. An unexpected, untimely death. Then what happens?
But- I think what’s beautiful about the village-family-approach isn’t so much it’s structure. It’s more so the mindset. That we’re all in it together. That at some points in our lives we’ll have a greater ability to give, and at other points we’ll be the ones in need.
#125 Thirtyone
05 May 2021 // San Diego, California
And the story goes on!
It’s my birthday today.
As a kid, I loved getting older. Each year up meant new privileges, a bit more freedom, and being taken more seriously.
Then suddenly... it started feeling like it was happening too fast. It kept speeding up! Years were escaping! Loved ones were getting old! Childhood was over! Then college! My twenties!
A weird epiphany eventually made me less worried about the movement of time. A lot of things can only be enjoyed in motion.
Like a roller coaster. Or music. We get these melodies stuck in our heads, the connection between one note to the next to the next. It we were to just pause for stillness in between notes... the song would pretty much just stop.
The past few years have been so full of plot twists and they just don’t stop. If anything, they keep getting wilder! I’ve never liked the “man plans, God laughs,” adage because it sounds so maniacal, but I’ll be the first to acknowledge that you really never know what’s around the corner.
So many of the best parts of my life right now at one point seemed improbable. Maybe even impossible. But here we are.
And it’s only been 31 years!
#126 Target Carts
06 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I think you can love something and still recognize parts of its history that are just plain wrong. We need more nuanced norms around how we accept our history. It’s not just our national parks system. It’s the United States. It’s the boundaries on our maps. It’s every significant institution and industry you can find.
It’s true that we have no choice but to live in a world shaped by these past wrongdoings. But it’s unhelpful when people turn the fact that we can’t change the past into a zero sum game where our only options are self-loathing or the idolatry of bad things.
Telling the truth about past wrongs is a vital step towards healing and reimagining how things could be. Once we’re honest about the past, we have the openness to invite a different future.
#127 Dunedin with Colberts
07 May 2021 // San Diego, California
In my early twenties, I got a chance to spend part of a year helping out at an orphanage* in Johannesburg.
*technically not the most accurate word, but this isn’t the time for that.
When I arrived, I didn’t have a set role. I was told I would figure that out with Pastor Mike, the care center’s founder. At the time, though, he was recovering from a foot operation following diabetes complications, so it took a while for us to meet in person. All the while I heard bits and pieces of his story. How he and his wife sold most of their stuff to move into what was perhaps Africa’s most dangerous neighborhood. How they were robbed of most of their things very shortly afterwards. How he founded the center to care for children whose family lives were disrupted, particularly during the terrible AIDS epidemic.
When we finally met, he was the kind of person all those stories would suggest. He gave me a list of teenage boys he wanted me to mentor and he and I would meet weekly. We talked about a lot of things. He grew up in the apartheid South Africa in the 1950s, lived long enough to support kids from the Born Free Generation, and traveled throughout much of Southern Africa. He saw worlds of change.
I learned so much from Pastor Mike, from the persistence of racial division- “apartheid ended a long time ago,” he told me, “but South Africa is still very much four countries.” to the urgency in caring for its kids- “there are many things in life that can wait,” he would always say, “but the needs of a child is not one of them.”
True to his word, when he retired, he moved into the orphanage. It was his idea of a retirement home. He wanted to spend more time with the kids.
A couple days ago, I learned about Pastor Mike’s passing at the age of 74.
I am thankful I got the chance to visit again a few years ago with Deanna and I am so thankful the South African kids I’ve gotten to know grew up with him in their corner. In all the work I do, I’ll always be influenced by his blend of urgency and tenderness, and the way he left nothing in life undone when it could be done to help others.
#128 Campsite Gumbo
08 May 2021 // Idyllwild, California
In one week we’re leaving for the PNW- which I am really looking forward to.
In addition to seeing a bunch of friends along the way, I’m also excited for the spots to be discovered. The Olympic National Park, the Hoh Rainforest, and Southern Oregon. I have quite a few ideas for videos in mind that I want to produce while I’m there, but in order to get them all made, that’ll call for leaving for the Northwest with several scripts ready to go.
So that’s what I’ll be pretty busy with over the next week. Here’s the docket:
A script about the U.S.’s childcare crisis. It feels kind of current events-y right now, and it is, but it’s also a personal topic. I’m hoping to produce this on the road, meaning that I’ll be recording much of it this week.
A script about why Thai restaurants are everywhere, and why you almost see more Thai restaurants than Thai people in a lot of American cities. I first had this realization while living in Eugene. It turns out that this isn’t just a strange happening but a bold, global strategic move by the Kingdom of Thailand and an act of culinary diplomacy.
A script about my love for moss. I’m still thinking through how to make this as interesting as I can.
A script about the problem of National Parks, in particular the origins of the National Parks system and how they displaced a number of indigenous tribes.
#129 Campsite Breakfast
09 May 2021 // Idyllwild, California
I don’t know what brilliant person came up with the term billion star hotel in reference to sleeping out of doors- but they were spot on.
I spent the night out in the billion star hotel, and I really love the great reset that camping serves as. I’m extremely glad, that even though I didn’t get a whole lot of outdoor experiences growing up, I have the motivation and the means to change that for Rhys. And I love how naturally he takes to being outside.
#130 Workshirt
10 May 2021 // San Diego, California
Have you ever started talking to somebody about travel- maybe sharing some of your dream destinations and wishlist of adventures with them before realizing they do not see travel the way you see it.
And it’s very difficult to put the difference into words when this happens. But you hear an interest in luxuries and landmarks that seem to leave out local connections, and perhaps that seems like the distinguishing trait. But it’s tough to say… because even things like luxuries and landmarks can have their place in a meaningful adventure, and they’re not mutually exclusive to connecting locally.
You just know that when you say travel and when this person says travel, you’re really not talking about the same thing. And it’s yet another moment when your experiences while traveling feel all the more unexplainable.
#131 SPIRAL SLIDE
11 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I was told recently that I’m starting to gain more equity in a lot of the spaces I occupy. Which feels like a very strange thing to hear.
I know what that person meant. I’m being taken more seriously. Because I bring something to the table that isn’t easy to replace, people are more apt to work with me and listen in on ideas than to simply send out marching orders. It’s something people hopefully earn over time and experience doing whatever it is they do.
But with that said, it was also a reminder of the ways my privilege and also my lack of privilege set the pace at which I gain this “equity” and that makes the term extremely ironic. Because this is a dynamic that is entirely inequitable.
At least baked into this word is the reminder that I can always be using whatever influence I have to open doors for others.
#132 Run of Trees
12 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I’ve often talked about how our profit-driven culture is often at odds with the world I seek to cultivate. There’s a difference between maximizing things and optimizing them, seeking more versus seeking enough.
That said, the latter usually still calls for good habits like saving and investing your money. So how do you do those things while living in line with your values?
It’s easier to think about making sustainable decisions with the money you spend... but what about the money you don’t spend and save instead? After all, your bank doesn’t just let that money sit in an underground vault- it puts it to use to make even more money. Will it help launch a neighborhood business or will it fund a mega pipeline?
I’m not a finances guy, so I brought some of my sustainability and investing questions to my friend Melinh - Melinh runs an awesome account that helps people understand the financial world better to help them live in sync with their values. She knows this looks a little different for everybody, which is why she’s worth following!
#133 Kaiser Parking Garage
13 May 2021 // San Diego, California
I’m juggling a workload that seems to always max itself out, a fairly robust creative career that happens in the after-hours, and raising a kid during one of the most involved, hands-full stages of his life. Not to mention all the little complications set about by the pandemic.
I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a lot. It is. And while I try to honor the way I need rest, I realize that I’m at a point in life where that’s really hard to fight for. It’s a juggling season.
In order to manage so many spinning plates, you’d think it would scatter you more across the board. Sometimes it does, but more often, it forces me to focus. The only way to manage so many of these spinning plates is to be as intensely present as possible, to keep the future waves from disrupting your ability to be at peace and play with the present tasks at hand.
#134 Bako Backyard
14 May 2021 // Bakersfield, California
One of my least favorite things about California, along with large portions of all the other states, is that it’s a place that was really designed more for cars than it was for people. I think of the general unpleasant aesthetic of a packed freeway, and realize, so many Californians will spend a significant amount of time just sitting in this and waiting that in the long run, it’ll represent a pretty large portion of one’s life.
Lately, I’ve been challenged to think of the things I and most people dislike about city living and to see if that’s really an issue with cities or cars. For example, most people complain about how city centers tend to be dirtier- but the restrictive proximity of many roads often prevents better methods of being able to manage waste.
I think a city that manages to be way creative in its design for people rather than personal vehicles would be something like Amsterdam. Or even Copenhagen. U.S. examples are a bit more sparse, but Portland strikes me as a possibility.
#135 Levi & Rhys
15 May 2021 // Sacramento, California
San Diego’s becoming a harder and harder place to live. I mean, that’s not particularly new. I was worried about those costs before we moved here.
But since a whole family has sprung up around us in that time, that concern gets even more real. A typical house goes for $850,000 right now. Nothing really sits on the market for more than a week, and offers are regularly made $250,000 over the asking price.
A conservative estimate for what we might get in a different market might look like saving at least $1000 each month, while getting to live in a three bedroom home with a backyard. Getting to grow stuff in that yard, do laundry without going anywhere, and just opening the door to let Beignet out seem like a dream. A dream I hope we get the chance to live shortly. Can it happen in San Diego? Perhaps if some miracle opportunity appears.
#136 cAYTLIN & THE BABIES
16 May 2021 // Sacramento, California
I think it’s fascinating and beautiful the way family units in low-income countries pull together to support their most vulnerable members.
When children are very young, a grandparent will help with the childcare allowing a parent more capacity to earn an income. Later the grandparent becomes the one in need of care, which their children step up to provide. This is often when the youngest generation is in school or about to start their career. Often this cycle continues as elders pass, parents age, and new children are born.
I find this approach kind of beautiful, to be honest. I grew up with my grandmother in the house, as my mom took care of her. She passed a few years ago and I am so thankful we had all those years to just live together so closely. Often, my mom helps out with my kid now, and it’s been beautiful seeing her enjoy being a grandma.
What I love about the village-family-approach isn’t so much the logistics or the structure. It’s more so the mindset. That we’re all in it together. That at some points in our lives we’ll have a greater ability to give, and at other points we’ll be the ones in need.
When that mindset is aligned with the problem solving skills and innovation appropriate for each culture, good things can happen.
#137 Weed Stadium
17 May 2021 // Weed, California
Our PNW road trip begins. Trying to drive from one end of the country to the other (vertically) with an 18-month-old seems like an ambitious order. But hey, that’s kind of how we roll.
We started with Bakersfield, getting to see the nephews again for the first time since Rhys was newly born.
Then it was on to Sacramento to hang with Caytlin, Justin, and Levi.
Medford on the way up, since we needed to cut the road between Sacramento and Portland in half.
Then Portland- which I’m always excited about. Reconnecting with Kathleen, getting Pip’s. Plus- swinging by Beignet’s old favorite dog park in Eugene on the way up.
Seattle after that. It seems like there’s endless places to wander.
Then the Olympic Peninsula of Washington. We’ll be staying in an RV, visiting the Olympic National Park, and spending some time amongst the mosses in the Hoh Rainforest. And our return route? It’s essentially that same thing in reverse.
We’ll ferry back to Seattle. Then head down to Portland to see friends like Jesse, Raquel, and Meaghan who we missed on the way up. Medford again, for the same reasons. Then Sacramento, where we’ve invited Joy and Daniel to meet with us.
We close out with Bakersfield before San Diego. This is going to be a legit adventure.
#138 Beignet in Eugene Again
18 May 2021 // Eugene, Oregon
I’ll be honest, with work picking up, with Rhys getting older, and life in general looking as full as it could possibly get over the next few years, one concern I happen to have is this– will we get to do anything anymore?
And what I mean by that, of course, is anything outside of the ordinary. Outside the daily rhythms of childcare and office work. Outside the home. Outside the routine that will be more and more mechanical.
Childcare is expensive. Travel becomes more and more of a complex orchestrated event rather than a spontaneous adventure.
One thought this leads me to is making sure that my daily surroundings are adventurous in and of themselves.
#139 Kathleen
19 May 2021 // Portland, Oregon
I had never read a book by a Filipino or Filipino American author until I was 28, and I read 30-50 books each year. Elaine Castillo’s America Is Not The Heart changed that.
The year after I read Jose Antonio Vargas’ Dear America, and last year I read Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror. To this day the number of Filipino authored books sits at 3.
Representation matters to me more and more but I rarely see our books on shelves. That’s why I was pretty amped to see this whole section of Fil-Am writers in The Hangout in Long Beach.
From children’s books to cookbooks to memoirs and graphic novels and poetry, the selection was amazing. I definitely left with a good sized bundle for me and Rhys.
#140 Seattle Water Tower
20 May 2021 // Seattle, Washington
This whole crew loves the PNW! 🌲🌲🌲 Something about this part of the world makes me feel extra alive. It’s been far too long since I’ve been here, but I’m glad this time lets us introduce Rhys and reintroduce Beignet for the first time since we moved out.
We’re still only halfway through the adventure with plenty more on our lists to check off.
✔️ Taking family photos that look normal at first glance
✔️ Letting Rhys meet some babyfriends
✔️ Catch up with some vaccinated friends we’ve missed!
✔️ Hang out with some mosses
✔️ Good coffee every day
✔️ See if Beignet remembers some of her old stomping grounds
✔️ Spending the weekend on the Olympic Peninsula on a friend’s RV
✔️ Visiting the massive REI in Seattle
✔️ Nature walks left and right
🔜 Rhys’ first ferry ride
🔜 Going camera happy and making videos
🔜 Supporting my favorite Portland doughnut shops
#141 QUilcene Non-Hike
21 May 2021 // Quilcene, Washington
We’ve met so many friends along the way, while taking this road trip. Almost all of them are living in places where they aren’t originally from, which is fun. It naturally invites the questions of how they ended up there, why, and how it works for them.
Of course, everyone’s so differently wired that there is no criteria to see how those experiences might apply to your own or even influence your decision making if you’re gonna move. You just have to feel it out, and see why things worked out for that person in that place, assuming they did.
Self-awareness goes a real long way when it comes to this. Knowing what you need from your home helps you go a long way in finding the right place to call home.
#142 Hurricane Ridge
22 May 2021 // Olympic National Park, Washington
I have been so spoiled by my reading list lately. I found each of these three books impossible to put down and I finished two of them over a total of four sittings... you know how unlikely that is with a one year old??
Michelle Zauner AKA indie artist Japanese Breakfast appeared in so many of my subscribed podcasts over the past month to talk about Crying in H Mart- it felt so good to hear somebody who shares the same odd sentimentality around Asian supermarkets that I do. Plus, a good chunk of this book takes place in Eugene around the time I lived there and I was thrilled to hear the owners of my usual grocery spot described in detail.
I also can’t say enough good things about Good Talk. When Mira Jacob’s son starts asking her questions about Michael Jackson’s skin and how his grandparents could support a leader who makes the world less safe for him... she does the best to engage these questions honestly and artistically. I’ve never had a book largely focused on race make me laugh so much while still being totally heartfelt.
Minor Feelings added in the emotional complexity of melancholic rage- best described in Korean as the feeing of Han. The essays in this book were not what I expected but were packed with stuff I needed to jot down!
#143 The Hall of mOsses
23 May 2021 // Olympic National Park, Washington
Today we got to wander and explore through the Hoh Rainforest. This is a place that has been on my wishlist for a long time, especially after seeing all the images that make it look exactly like a wonderland of moss.
I absolutely loved being there. Being at the base of some gigantic trees and seeing their “fur coats” in vibrant green was kind of like a bear hug from nature. Even though it was a fairly regularly visited place, it was still enveloping enough to feel like you were getting out and away to somewhere really special.
I mean, this is somewhere special.
#144 A Ferry Voyage
24 May 2021 // Seattle, Washington
One of my favorite things about the Pacific Northwest, specifically Washington State? The state ferry system!
For just $9 a person, we were able to board a ferry, wander the passenger cabin for a bit, climb up to the top deck, get a spectacular view of the City of Seattle, and see Rhys love the breeze in his hair.
Oh, and best of all? We ran into an orca. It’s like a $9 whale watching safari!
#145 Wilsonville Field
25 May 2021 // Wilsonville, Oregon
I know I still don’t do it perfectly, but…
I think of myself over the past ten years, and I think I’ve really come a long way when it comes to asserting my boundaries when need be. Especially when I think somebody has done something that negatively affects me and when I sincerely think it would serve that person well to know the impact of their words/behaviors/actions, etc.
I think this is kind of the key to doing it well… understanding how having a difficult conversation like this with someone can actually serve as an act of kindness.
#146 Seeing Jesse & Raquel
26 May 2021 // Portland, Oregon
A trio of big wins for the environment came today.
Chevron’s investor’s demanded sharper emissions reductions from the company.
Shell was ordered by the Dutch court to halve their emissions sooner than planned.
Shareholders of Exxon elected new directors who were more partial to climate action.
It’s exciting to me that 2/3rds of these stories exist because investors demanded it.
The concerns of an emerging generation can influence investors if the message is delivered strategically.
#147 Tiny Home in Medford
27 May 2021 // Medford, Oregon
For most families in the U.S., childcare is unsustainable.
As in... things can’t keep going on the way they’ve been going.
For over a year now, I’ve been working full time with one hand tied behind my back, juggling parenting and working in the same space, same hours. And I’m one of the lucky ones! I know so many people who’ve had it even harder.
The cost of a preschool is often greater than a college tuition- except parents of preschoolers often have lower income potentials and opportunities to save up compared to parents of college students... and it’s not like that’s a great scenario to aspire to anyways!
This latest video explores the childcare crisis in the United States, does the math to compare costs, and looks at what other countries have done to care for the kids.
#148 Bloomsbury Books
28 May 2021 // Ashland, Oregon
I was wondering… perhaps even hoping… that this trip would’ve provided a moment of clarity around whether we’d rather live in Sacramento or Portland, since those seem to be our top two picks for where we’d end up if we’re ultimately priced out of San Diego.
To be honest, it still feels like a split decision to me.
Portland has so many things going for it. The environment and natural surroundings. Public transport. The free preschool. And it has a personality I think I mesh with. And we have great friends there but none with kids.
Sacramento has that. Kind of a built in community. But it’s real tough to say if a lot of the issues I’ve had with San Diego transfer there. The heat. The dependency on cars.
At least, we have more recent images of these places if this deliberation becomes a more real and pressing thing.
#149 Bako Pool
29 May 2021 // Bakersfield, California
What a trip!
Driving from the southwest corner of the country to the northwest corner is ambitious in and of itself. Add a puppy and an 18 month old into the mix, and yes, that is a challenge. But we’re the challenge accepted types around here, and tricky as it was, man it was so worth it.
We’re at such a unique, somewhat chaotic, unpredictable, but absolutely memorable time in our lives. I know we’ll always remember this one.
#150 Westwood Bem
30 May 2021 // Los Angeles, California
Coming back home at the end of a long trip is a feeling in and of itself. It honestly felt a little good to be back in our tiny place, starting to unpack and unwind.
It’s so easy to focus on how our place isn’t big enough for us anymore, how the lack of a yard and laundry are deeply inconvenient, and how we need to start looking for a new place stat.
But we’re back home and it feels good, and that’s saying something.
It means the baseline of our lives is already really good. I love this family.
#151 sIAM nARA aEsthetic
31 May 2021 // San Diego, California
Closing out #AAPIHeritageMonth in 2021 is like...
I’ve written, read, and reflected more on being Asian American I’m over the past few months than at any other point in my life. Partly because of all the global events, but also because of where I’m at in my own personal life.
It wasn’t always like this for me. In high school I didn’t want to be one of the Asians who seemed to only hang out with the other Asians. Even though my college must’ve had like 6-7 different variations of AAPI or Filipino American clubs, I wasn’t interested.
See, I’d always had the tendency to see my life as a story, and in most of the stories I was exposed to, the Asian characters were usually side roles. Comedic relief in a rom com. The tech specialist in a sci-fi novel. The wise sage in the fantasy. On screen and such, being Asian was already unique enough that writers often didn’t bother to add in more depth. And it wasn’t just in movies where this happened. From my observation, we were often specialists. Valued for a specific skill like medicine or programming. But rarely invited into decision-making, leadership roles.
I didn’t want to be a side character in my own life, so I downplayed.
It took years of disconnecting my idea of ‘normal’ from whiteness, learning that everybody has a culture that colors the way they see the world, and understanding how these assumptions were engineered to start disassembling them to get to a point where I now love talking about being Asian.
I grew up in a system that made me want to downplay my AAPI heritage for years, and now I get to spend the rest of my life taking that apart. I realize that every time I get to lend my voice, perspectives, or leadership to something, it might just be the visual a younger person needs to know they can set their eyes on something beyond a supporting role.
It’s what we mean by take up space.
Still Processing
Ah, a photo from a lifetime ago. Or... January 2020. Same thing, basically.
I went into the new decade with one big intent—to make sure I was taking the time to love the process.
In the book The Practice, Seth Godin does a pretty stellar job of explaining how in an industrial world, we’re conditioned to value outputs. This leads to us being so motivated by checking stuff off our lists that we no longer enjoy the actual moments where we’re doing those things.
This can be true in day-to-day things-like being so motivated to finish writing an article that you’re no longer getting pumped over the process of choosing words, giving life to ideas, or creating a narrative. This can be true in bigger picture things like being so rushed to get married that you don’t enjoy the sweet early stages of dating as much.
I run into it all the time with my creative work and I run into it all the time with Rhys. It’s easy to be allured by the promise of a new age or milestone and the bits of independence that brings. But I don’t want to be asleep to the fact that I’m currently living in one of the sweetest seasons of my life.
I get asked about productivity a lot, but I honestly don’t value productivity as much as I value process. I like reminding myself that a lot of the things I make or do, I do largely because it’s fun!
Youn Yuh-Jung
I never think I’m gonna have opinions about the Oscars but then the awards start and I realize who I’ve been pulling for all along (you go, Octopus!)
This week, Halmoni won an Oscar.
I loved Youn Yuh Jung’s acceptance speech. I mean, we all did pretty much, but I loved the ending acknowledgement of ‘mommy working so hard.’ It struck a note of both playful and brutally honest at the same time that felt so familiar. So often you hear of how migrant parents, women of color, or other underestimated people need to work twice as hard to make it half as far. It’s an understatement if anything.
I grew up hardly ever seeing anyone who looked like myself on a screen, let alone my grandma. And while celebrity accolades aren’t usually of much interest to me, I will celebrate every accomplishment that makes that less true for my kid.
Greer
Here’s an odd thing I do... poke around on Google Maps for fun. Sometimes I humor my curiosity about what life looks like in extremely northern towns in Canada, or as remote as street view let’s me go in Mongolia.
Occasionally I do this in places closer to home, and that led to me getting really interested in Greer, Arizona. Google let me see that:
🌊 It was at the fork of two rivers
🌄 User uploaded photos were great
🚶🏾A few hiking trails ran through
🧂 Most businesses were lodged
So how was it? Eh. But part of the fun of exploring is finding out for myself.
Lessons from Earth
Happy Earth Day everybody!
🌎🌍🌏
Over the past year, I’ve found myself more fascinated than ever with life on Earth. I’ve gone through phases of deep curiosity around mosses, maples, cryptobiotic soil, bears, waterbears, and junipers.
Why now? Can’t say. But I’m loving what I’m learning... not just about nature but from nature.
🌿🌿🌿
I’ve been learning that life isn’t about maximizing your resources as it is about optimizing them. Living in a culture that seems to only prioritize MORE kind of makes you underestimate the value of ENOUGH.
🌲
I’ve been learning from the way trees rush in to help other trees in need- rerouting nutrients underground. I recall the way many of you rushed in To get over $1000 sent to AAPI groups last month off of one post! Mutual aid and support is a core component of community development and organizing and the forest is a fantastic example.
🌲
I’ve been learning that no fancy bit of carbon capture technology can rival the optimization of an old growth deciduous forest... let alone it’s beauty. While we’re often mesmerized by what’s new, our most innovative ideas are almost always something ancient made new for a current generation.
🌲
I’ve been learning that the path to restoration isn’t just about rescuing every single plant or creature from the brink- it’s about healing the ecosystem. In a society full of misinformation, racist beliefs, and toxic ideas, We don’t need to enter each debate. Our focus can be on taking care of the broader ecosystem where these ideas and different ideas can take root.
Liminal Space
The way things used to be is no longer.
The way things will be is not yet here.
🌚
Sounds a bit spooky and mysterious and maybe sort of promising, but also a little scary, doesn’t it?
Liminal space is a location of transition, somewhere in between origin and destination. An empty hallway of lockers two weeks before school starts. An empty King’s Cross Station in Harry Potter. And also my life lately, and probably yours as well.
🌀
For the past year, we’ve been doing things pretty unsustainably. Almost every project in my life has been a multitask. The childcare juggling when no other options in a pandemic exist is a lot. And strangely, looking at day care and other options right now also feels a bit unsettling and foreign. Sometimes you get used to what was, and even unambiguously positive change is an upstream swim. And that’s just one of many liminal areas for us right now!
I typically love change, and The past year has made me hungrier than ever for certain changes. Systemic changes. Personal life changes. STILL, I recognize the resistance. It’s real. Leaving the familiar-even one with many flaws-is always a push. It’s no excuse for why we should allow ages old injustices to exist, but it is a bit of a clue as to what we’re up against.
There’s eerieness and optimism. Anger over the worst of the ways things have been. Hope in imagining what could be different. Exhaustion over all the moving parts and the struggle to find footing.
I’m not even sure if this will seem like an ambiguous rant or if it’ll resonate with so many people who I suspect are looking at a similar thing.
Angelo Quinto & Duane Wright
Angelo Quinta was a Filipino American veteran of the US Navy. He suffered from paranoia and anxiety. Two days before Christmas, his family called police to help deal with a severe episode. One of the responding officers knelt on his neck for five minutes while the other restrained his legs.
His family is waiting for the Antioch Police Department to respond to a legal claim.
I barely finished some art for Angelo Quinto featuring the words of his stepdad when I learned about Daunte Wright’s death this morning. Another Black life taken by law enforcement in Minnesota. There’s a lot more to be learned, but there are things we already know.
Like the fact that regardless of the circumstances, his son should still be able to be held.
Like the fact that we’ve seen these stories come up over and over again.
And the fact that we shouldn’t.
And the fact that there rarely seems to be any accountability for such things.
And the fact that these episodes happen in the name of public safety tell us who “safety is for” in our cities.
And the fact that the exhaustion of seeing the same story over and over, rehash the same debates over and over, without much change is a tactic of the forces that seek to keep it going.
But every act that sends the message that we’re still here, we’re still seeing these things unfold is an act of resistance. From protest to phone calls to art to amplification.
Time in Arizona
1️⃣ We went to Arizona for some hikes and exploration the other week and it was Rhys’ first time out of state. Never imagined it would take this long for that to happen, but it was a great time. Here’s a highlight reel.
2️⃣ Absolutely mesmerized by the red soil we encountered on this trip. From the hiking trails to the dog park to the spaces best left untouched. Cryptobiotic soil and cyanobacteria is endlessly fascinating.
3️⃣ I think high deserts are becoming one of my favorite ecological settings.
4️⃣ We ran into just about every climate on the way out- from a pit stop in Yuma that already felt like summer, to the hikes we went on north of Sedona that came with some thick, fluffy snowfall.
5️⃣ Best purchase on the trip? We didn’t have adequate warm gear for Rhys, so we hopped into a thrift shop and got him a puffy down jacket so big it’ll probably still fit him in a year. The entertainment value of watching him float around in that big puff was well worth the six bucks.
The Sedona Dog Park
Need something to feel good about this morning? This dog park exists!
We’ve taken Beignet to some good ones in her life, but this one may have taken the title from one outside Seattle as our all time fave.
This is in Sedona, Arizona and it offers views of the red rocks everywhere, an extension to the run-and-fetch area where the dogs can explore the natural woods, and an adjacent running trail.
Where’s the best dog park you’ve taken a puppy to?
April 2021
#91 Marlborough Nights
01 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Baseball came back today.
It seems like the simplest thing, but it’s giving me a ton of joy.
Of course it doesn’t hurt that the Phillies’ nailbiter of a game went the way I hoped and I’m happy about that.
It feels good to have stuff to get excited about again.
#92 Fifteen Freway
02 April 2021 // San Diego, California
It’s been two years since I last left the country. I never imagined I would stay put for this long.
I realize I’m extremely privileged in all sorts of ways to travel as much as I have. But I still miss it.
Travel fills my bucket. And it’s not just about the selfies at famous landmarks, the escape from my normal life, or getting to live in luxury for a bit on someone else’s. If I’m honest, those are the mindsets around travel that sometimes bug me. It’s always been less of an escape from MY life and more of a deeper engagement with LIFE.
While I’ve been deeply missing it and hope to hop on pretty much any plane once it feels reasonably responsible and ethical, I’ve managed to still find a few ways to keep appreciating, supporting, and learning from the world’s cultures at home.
#93 Torrey Pines Trail
03 April 2021 // La Jolla, California
Something I’ve needed to hear, and that I suspect many others need to hear as well:
One day, one day soon, you will travel again. You will stand in some mindblowing spaces. You will taste incredible foods. You’ll meet people who change the way you see the world, all for the better. You’ll go to a city for the first time and it’ll feel like somewhere your heart has known all its life. You’ll get lost without feeling lost. You’ll find stillness in motion. You’ll find confidence in uncertainty.
Just remember, travel is a privilege. We are very fortunate to have traveled. And we’ll be fortunate to travel again.
After all, travelers adapt. We assess where we are, and how to make the most of our time in the place right in front of us.
#94 Easter Reemergence
04 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Church in person, on the lawn. Rhys’ first egg hunt. Playtime with Cousin Zara. Hanging with Very New Cousin Ollie. Getting to settle down and watch My Octopus Teacher before bed (which is a profoundly beautiful film that makes you so thankful for nature, btw.)
Easter this year was unforgettable.
Life the past year has been full of question marks, heartbreaking losses, and changes in plan. But one thing my life has shown me is that you never know what joy might be lurking just out of sight. One thing I love about Easter’s Resurrection story is that there’s always more going on than our eyes know how to see.
I’ve been really feeling the words shared by Austin Channing Brown today: “This is an anxious time. There is so much grief and disappointment. But maybe. Just maybe the impossible has already happened. What if new life has already happened- and you just don’t understand it yet. Maybe hope has already returned. Maybe something special, something miraculous is already stirring. Maybe the pain and confusion is only part of your story. What if this isn’t the end, if you don’t understand what could possibly come next.”
#95 Enda
05 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Need something to feel good about this morning? The Sedona dog park exists!
We’ve taken Beignet to some good ones in her life, but this one may have taken the title from one outside Seattle as our all time fave.
This is in Sedona, Arizona and it offers views of the red rocks everywhere, an extension to the run-and-fetch area where the dogs can explore the natural woods, and an adjacent running trail.
#96 Bench Rhys
06 April 2021 // San Diego, California
I recently learned that one of my favorite anti-human trafficking organizations is doing a deep reworking in how they talk about the issue they work with. The big one being that they’re moving away from framing the issue as “modern day slavery” and their work as “abolition.”
Framing human trafficking as "modern slavery" and responses as "abolition" describes a lot of the language that I used when I first got really engaged with the issue. It energized me, and I repeated it. But there were issues there.
It co-opts the language of another cause. It decontextualizes it from the root of racism, which has not ended.
It also paints the work that needs to be done as strictly rescue, rather than prevention and reworking the systems that lead to trafficking.
I’m thankful for organizations that allow their practices to evolve, and who do so in a way that invites others to evolve as well.
#97 Lapatet
07 April 2021 // San Diego, California
What cities in the world seem to be doing things right?
I’ve got a short list:
+ Amsterdam
+ Taipei
+ Vienna
+ Vancouver
+ Barcelona
+ Kigali
+ Montevideo
+ Singapore
There are American cities I like, but I think that the U.S. context doesn’t let cities be as well running as they could be. I also think Montreal could maybe make this list, but I need to spend more time there.
#98 Bubble Chaser
08 April 2021 // San Diego, California
I haven’t been able to travel like this in a while. In the time since my last trip, I became a dad, we entered a global pandemic. I know that travel is a lifelong love of mine, and its a matter of time before I go out there, but I’m trying to be intentional around this hiatus to think through what role travel plays in my life.
See, I’ve started to discover that I really don’t like the aspect of travel where it’s all about the visitor’s comfort and excitement, getting the cool Instagram pictures, all while treating the local culture, the local people like a backdrop. Yes, I travel to enrich my life, to add value to my family’s life. But I hope I do so in a way based on connection.
I know, just by nature of how I now have kids, and how the world has totally changed since my last trip, travel won’t be the same. And that sounds scary sometimes, because I’ve loved the trips I’ve done so far. But I think it can be made even better, by going slower, focusing on more local connections, doing so more sustainably, and with a better focus on storytelling and learning.
#99 Salt & Straw Del Mar
09 April 2021 // Del Mar, California
1️⃣ We went to Arizona for some hikes and exploration the other week and it was Rhys’ first time out of state. Never imagined it would take this long for that to happen, but it was a great time. Here’s a highlight reel.
2️⃣ Absolutely mesmerized by the red soil we encountered on this trip. From the hiking trails to the dog park to the spaces best left untouched. Cryptobiotic soil and cyanobacteria is endlessly fascinating.
3️⃣ I think high deserts are becoming one of my favorite ecological settings.
4️⃣ We ran into just about every climate on the way out- from a pit stop in Yuma that already felt like summer, to the hikes we went on north of Sedona that came with some thick, fluffy snowfall.
5️⃣ Best purchase on the trip? We didn’t have adequate warm gear for Rhys, so we hopped into a thrift shop and got him a puffy down jacket so big it’ll probably still fit him in a year. The entertainment value of watching him float around in that big puff was well worth the six bucks.
#100 Auntie eLLA’S 88TH
10 April 2021 // Carson, California
I’m 30. I read between 20-50 books per year, which over the course of my lifetime amounts to a ton of books. I’m also Filipino American. So how many of those books have been by Filipino authors?
Three.
Jose Vargas’ Dear America, Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror, and Elaine Castillo’s America Is Not The Heart.
That’s why I was extremely happy to see that Bel Canto Books inside The Hangout in Long Beach had a whole Filipino writers section. It was the first time I’d seen anything like it. And it had novels, kids books, cookbooks, graphic novels.
Best believe I dropped over $100 on books in one swoop, and I feel really good about it.
#101 Wildflower Piecer
11 April 2021 // San Diego, California
First time in five years, but I finally upgraded my phone.
I hope that devices I own, like a phone, can have a lifespan of at least five years.
I also hope to only replace them with refurbished devices, and to still have old versions around as “backups.”
#102 Money With Melinh
12 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Angelo Quinta was a Filipino American veteran of the US Navy. He suffered from paranoia and anxiety. Two days before Christmas, his family called police to help deal with a severe episode. One of the responding officers knelt on his neck for five minutes while the other restrained his legs.
His family is waiting for the Antioch Police Department to respond to a legal claim.
I barely finished some art for Angelo Quinto featuring the words of his stepdad when I learned about Daunte Wright’s death this morning. Another Black life taken by law enforcement in Minnesota. There’s a lot more to be learned, but there are things we already know.
Like the fact that regardless of the circumstances, his son should still be able to be held.
Like the fact that we’ve seen these stories come up over and over again.
And the fact that we shouldn’t.
And the fact that there rarely seems to be any accountability for such things.
And the fact that these episodes happen in the name of public safety tell us who “safety is for” in our cities.
And the fact that the exhaustion of seeing the same story over and over, rehash the same debates over and over, without much change is a tactic of the forces that seek to keep it going.
But every act that sends the message that we’re still here, we’re still seeing these things unfold is an act of resistance. From protest to phone calls to art to amplification.
#103 pLAYGROUND pIECER
13 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Classically conditioned to think the Magic School Bus theme whenever honked at.
Despite having my own one-and-a-half year old, my mind still registers expecting/pregnant parents as way older than me. I know people half my age can be expecting parents, but still. Psychology, man.
#104 mISSION trails Evening Run
14 April 2021 // San Diego, California
In my mind, the two biggest compliments a piece of creative work can get are these:
This made me so thankful to be alive. It made me feel like I gained a new sense, and everything right now feels significant and precious.
I feel seen by this. I’ve never seen myself or my story reflected in a show/book/story/song so vividly as I have right now.
#105 Kain Na
15 April 2021 // San Diego, California
I’ve found it helpful, whenever facing a major decision, to take some time to think about how it moves you towards your ideal life… and to define what that life looks like.
There are a number of ways to do this, and they’re usually fun. What is your ideal day in the life? Week in the life? Year in the life?
I’m facing a few big decisions right now so I’m finding it helpful to look at my ideal dream week:
Family pizza and movie night every Friday
Starting each day with at least an hour of writing and deep work
2-5 days a week of childcare for Rhys, ideally at a language immersion preschool
Running 3-4 times a week, weights twice a week
Either filming/producing a video for my channel, or releasing it
Either planning (or going on) another trip/adventure!
One social activity Deanna and I do individually, one we can do as a couple/family
A hike, camping trip, beach day, etc.
Working twice a week at a co-working space, twice a week from a coffee shop
#106 Evening Run Crew
16 April 2021 // San Diego, California
The way things used to be is no longer.
The way things will be is not yet here.
🌚
Sounds a bit spooky and mysterious and maybe sort of promising, but also a little scary, doesn’t it?
Liminal space is a location of transition, somewhere in between origin and destination. An empty hallway of lockers two weeks before school starts. An empty King’s Cross Station in Harry Potter. And also my life lately, and probably yours as well.
🌀
For the past year, we’ve been doing things pretty unsustainably. Almost every project in my life has been a multitask. The childcare juggling when no other options in a pandemic exist is a lot. And strangely, looking at day care and other options right now also feels a bit unsettling and foreign. Sometimes you get used to what was, and even unambiguously positive change is an upstream swim. And that’s just one of many liminal areas for us right now!
I typically love change, and The past year has made me hungrier than ever for certain changes. Systemic changes. Personal life changes. STILL, I recognize the resistance. It’s real. Leaving the familiar-even one with many flaws-is always a push. It’s no excuse for why we should allow ages old injustices to exist, but it is a bit of a clue as to what we’re up against.
There’s eerieness and optimism. Anger over the worst of the ways things have been. Hope in imagining what could be different. Exhaustion over all the moving parts and the struggle to find footing.
I’m not even sure if this will seem like an ambiguous rant or if it’ll resonate with so many people who I suspect are looking at a similar thing.
#107 Oak of Ojai
17 April 2021 // Ojai, California
Once again at a crossroads of so many possibilities and so few certainties. So much is both exciting but also a little unnerving.
It kind of feels like we’re at a good cliffhanger spot of an interesting TV series.
How do we resolve our childcare situation? What will work look like when the world opens up? Where will we live by the end of the summer? End of the year?
These questions are lingering. Trying to enjoy the present time despite all the uncertainty, but also, I’d love to get some answers!
#108 Club Cocomelon
18 April 2021 // Los Angeles, California
Here’s an odd thing I do... poke around on Google Maps for fun. Sometimes I humor my curiosity about what life looks like in extremely northern towns in Canada, or as remote as street view let’s me go in Mongolia.
Occasionally I do this in places closer to home, and that led to me getting really interested in Greer, Arizona. Google let me see that:
🌊 It was at the fork of two rivers
🌄 User uploaded photos were great
🚶🏾A few hiking trails ran through
🧂 Most businesses were lodged
So how was it? Eh. But part of the fun of exploring is finding out for myself.
#109 wrAPPED rICE
19 April 2021 // San Diego, California
The past two to three weeks have been full of so many moving parts-particularly when it comes to my job and wondering how we’ll be making everything fit together or if we’re making the best decisions possible.
I loved actually getting to slow down enough to hear the verse lyrics to the song We All Have by Julia Stone–
Don't be concerned about your car not working
Boy you're losing it
Don't be confused about these games you're playing
You are choosing it
Leave it alone now just need time
This fit so well.
#110 The Hidden Life of Trees
20 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Derick Chauvin was guilty on all three counts of George Floyd’s murder. This week, the jury affirmed it.
Like Brandi Miller says, “there is no good outcome in a racist policing and justice system, but there are better ones.”
As much as I want to say justice was served, justice looks like a world where Floyd is still here and where millions of Black Americans don’t have to worry about the same outcomes.
#111 Bookshelf Vlog
21 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Tomorrow is Earth Day, thus I thought I’d share some of my favorite recent reads on forests, trees, and moss that I’ve loved.
These are all members of nature that are easy to take for granted because we see them all the time. But there is so much we don’t know about these pieces of plant life that even the smallest slice of recent research and ancient knowledge can be astonishing.
If you’re wanting to step up your sustainability game, wonder is a great place to start.
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The Hidden Life of Trees underscores some of the amazing ways trees behave in a community. Not only does this book underscore the importance of old growth forests, but it offers the reminder that we can learn so much from trees.
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That book was actually the inspiration to The Overstory- an expansive novel that follows at least twelve characters, often through multiple generations. The connectedness of trees is clearly the inspiration of showing how connected we are as people, and our connection to the Earth. And somehow Richard Powers manages to do this without feeling preachy at all.
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And then there’s moss. I’ve shared my appreciation for moss here before and Robin Wall Kimmerer (widely known for Braiding Sweetgrass) is behind so much of that appreciation. Her book on moss was the starting point to this recent obsession.
#112 Little Italy Walk
22 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Happy Earth Day everybody!
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Over the past year, I’ve found myself more fascinated than ever with life on Earth. I’ve gone through phases of deep curiosity around mosses, maples, cryptobiotic soil, bears, waterbears, and junipers.
Why now? Can’t say. But I’m loving what I’m learning... not just about nature but from nature.
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I’ve been learning that life isn’t about maximizing your resources as it is about optimizing them. Living in a culture that seems to only prioritize MORE kind of makes you underestimate the value of ENOUGH.
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I’ve been learning from the way trees rush in to help other trees in need- rerouting nutrients underground. I recall the way many of you rushed in To get over $1000 sent to AAPI groups last month off of one post! Mutual aid and support is a core component of community development and organizing and the forest is a fantastic example.
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I’ve been learning that no fancy bit of carbon capture technology can rival the optimization of an old growth deciduous forest... let alone it’s beauty. While we’re often mesmerized by what’s new, our most innovative ideas are almost always something ancient made new for a current generation.
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I’ve been learning that the path to restoration isn’t just about rescuing every single plant or creature from the brink- it’s about healing the ecosystem. In a society full of misinformation, racist beliefs, and toxic ideas, We don’t need to enter each debate. Our focus can be on taking care of the broader ecosystem where these ideas and different ideas can take root.
#113 Playground Piecer
23 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Happy Earth Day! Getting to work as a climate communicator really is a gift. While things can feel heavy often, I do get to spend about half my time learning about how life on Earth connects, and the other half inspiring people with those connections.
To celebrate Earth Day, I thought I would share a bunch of recent stories, pieces of media, art, etc. related to the environment that I’ve been inspired by over the past year.
First up- the documentary My Octopus Teacher (available on Netflix). It’s beautiful, mesmerizing, and awe-invoking.
Completely Arbortrary is perhaps my new favorite podcast. Every episode is an accessible, playful, but richly informative look at a specific tree species. Unsurprisingly, my favorite episodes thus far tend to correspond with my favorite trees: sugar maple, gingko, lodgepole pine
How To Save a Planet is a podcast by Alex Blumberg (Planet Money) and one of my favorite current climate communicators, Dr. Ayana Elizabeth Johnson. Some of my favorite episodes: Is Your Carbon Footprint BS? The Beef With Beef and Party Like It’s 2035
GreenWave is an organization that focuses on promoting regenerative kelp farming that How To Save a Planet introduced me to. Regenerative farming is all abuzz right now, and its amazing potential for good applies to seaweed very well too.
Our Changing Climate is a YouTube channel that does an excellent job of unpacking certain concepts in environmentalism. Some of my favorite episodes of his include the ones on Evo Morales, planned obsolescence, and eco-fascism.
Future Earth is consistently one of my favorite social media accounts and I love how they turn data and complex information into pretty sleek visuals.
Of course, the best way to celebrate Earth Day isn’t in front of a screen, but out and about in nature.
Before you do, though, do check out The Problem With America’s National Parks on The Explainer. No, this one isn’t going to make you feel guilty about camping in Sequoia, but it’ll add nuance to all the glowing histories you read about the National Parks written by the agency.
#114 Run Bird Park
24 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Here’s an odd thing I do... poke around on Google Maps for fun. Sometimes I humor my curiosity about what life looks like in extremely northern towns in Canada, or as remote as street view let’s me go in Mongolia.
Occasionally I do this in places closer to home, and that led to me getting really interested in Greer, Arizona. Google let me see that:
🌊 It was at the fork of two rivers
🌄 User uploaded photos were great
🚶🏾A few hiking trails ran through
🧂 Most businesses were lodged
So how was it? Eh. But part of the fun of exploring is finding out for myself.
#115 Salted Egg Chips
25 April 2021 // San Diego, California
I never think I’m gonna have opinions about the Oscars but then the awards start and I realize who I’ve been pulling for all along (you go, Octopus!)
This week, Halmoni won an Oscar.
I loved Youn Yuh Jung’s acceptance speech. I mean, we all did pretty much, but I loved the ending acknowledgement of ‘mommy working so hard.’ It struck a note of both playful and brutally honest at the same time that felt so familiar. So often you hear of how migrant parents, women of color, or other underestimated people need to work twice as hard to make it half as far. It’s an understatement if anything.
I grew up hardly ever seeing anyone who looked like myself on a screen, let alone my grandma. And while celebrity accolades aren’t usually of much interest to me, I will celebrate every accomplishment that makes that less true for my kid.
#116 Upper Balboa
26 April 2021 // San Diego, California
I watched a screening of Minari about two months ago, but I still think about it quite a bit.
One of the things I really love about the film is how specific it is to the family’s experience, and yet somehow in it’s specificity, it manages to feel very universally relatable. So many Korean American friends and Asian Americans have talked about how familiar the movie’s world felt.
For example, the family we follow tries to revive a farm in rural Arkansas to make a living. That’s an extremely specific scenario, but people can relate to so many themes, like intergenerational relationships or feeling out of place.
I love the ecological metaphors in the movie, largely because I work to promote regenerative agriculture.
In one of the scenes, you have Paul, a hired American farmhand tell the Korean dad to space his crops out further, because otherwise they’d compete over resources. He notes it’s an American way of planting.
Interestingly, in nonindustrial, regenerative farming practices, it’s more beneficial to plant diverse crops in a shared space strategically, so the relationships between them, their roots, and the soil can all be mutually beneficial.
More recent scientific discoveries have found that while sometimes parts of an ecosystem “compete” over resources, they’re just as likely to “cooperate.” We’re just less likely to see this in a culture that prizes competition.
One of the big losses you see throughout the movie is the loss of community solidarity, and how that’s something so many migrant families experience.
Regenerating community solidarity is one of the most valuable things to invest in.
#117 Crib Kidddd
27 April 2021 // San Diego, California
Growing up, I would always hear my relatives reference Filipino mythical creatures- mostly aswangs, which they told me were witches, but I’m now realizing that they’re completely their own category of spooky beings.
Just recently I’ve taken a deeper interest in these mythologies, and I’m realizing one thing I want to do sometime in life (whenever time exists again) is to write a YA fantasy story largely incorporating all these beings.
I know I have a lot to learn first about all the creatures I’ve only heard described in part. But I have the feeling this research is going to be really fun.
#118 A Pizza With Everything On It
28 April 2021 // San Diego, California
I went into the new decade with one big intent—to make sure I was taking the time to love the process.
In the book The Practice, Seth Godin does a pretty stellar job of explaining how in an industrial world, we’re conditioned to value outputs. This leads to us being so motivated by checking stuff off our lists that we no longer enjoy the actual moments where we’re doing those things.
This can be true in day-to-day things-like being so motivated to finish writing an article that you’re no longer getting pumped over the process of choosing words, giving life to ideas, or creating a narrative. This can be true in bigger picture things like being so rushed to get married that you don’t enjoy the sweet early stages of dating as much.
I run into it all the time with my creative work and I run into it all the time with Rhys. It’s easy to be allured by the promise of a new age or milestone and the bits of independence that brings. But I don’t want to be asleep to the fact that I’m currently living in one of the sweetest seasons of my life.
I get asked about productivity a lot, but I honestly don’t value productivity as much as I value process. I like reminding myself that a lot of the things I make or do, I do largely because it’s fun!
#119 Woah
29 April 2021 // San Diego, California
My life is not normal, and I get that. There are so many ways my life just doesn’t fit the script of what you’d expect from someone my age living in my part of the world-good or bad.
Deanna’s health challenges. The long wait and low likelihood of Rhys’ birth. The challenging family environment I had growing up. These are all things that didn’t go the way they’re “supposed to.”
But same with the way I’ve wound up with a dream job that’s part of a dream life. Or the way I’ve gotten to see nearly 50 countries. Or have the family life I do now.
With all the unlikelihoods that have become my reality… I guess it’s tempting to think I’ve already met my quota. But who ever said anything about a quota.
Today I’ve learned about a 1-in-500-million kind of thing that just happened to me that will forever alter the course of my life.
I’m thankful but also, just astounded.
#120 Balboa Trail Run
30 April 2021 // San Diego, California
I made a new video where I:
🗺 Talk about using Google Maps to explore the world.
🏘 Share literally everything I know about an Arizona town with a population of 40 people.
🪱 Obsess over cryptobiotic soil and high deserts.
🌊 Ford a barely unfrozen river with a one year old strapped to my back.
Video has been my creative outlet lately and I have a lot of fun making these. Enjoy! And find me on YouTube for more.
Easter Reemergence
Church in person, on the lawn. Rhys’ first egg hunt. Playtime with Cousin Zara. Hanging with Very New Cousin Ollie. Getting to settle down and watch My Octopus Teacher before bed (which is a profoundly beautiful film that makes you so thankful for nature, btw.)
Easter this year was unforgettable.
Life the past year has been full of question marks, heartbreaking losses, and changes in plan. But one thing my life has shown me is that you never know what joy might be lurking just out of sight. One thing I love about Easter’s Resurrection story is that there’s always more going on than our eyes know how to see.
I’ve been really feeling the words shared by Austin Channing Brown today: “This is an anxious time. There is so much grief and disappointment. But maybe. Just maybe the impossible has already happened. What if new life has already happened- and you just don’t understand it yet. Maybe hope has already returned. Maybe something special, something miraculous is already stirring. Maybe the pain and confusion is only part of your story. What if this isn’t the end, if you don’t understand what could possibly come next.”
